Summary 

Feeling stuck in a cycle of exhaustion, procrastination, and frustration when it comes to your goals—whether it’s weight loss, wellness, or professional growth? In this episode, I’m sharing a powerful mindset shift that helped me transform one of the most overwhelming times in my own life into a journey of empowerment and success. Through a personal story about preparing for my oral board exams, I’m revealing the game-changing question that helped me move from burnout to breakthrough. If you’re tired of feeling like you "have to" do things and want to rediscover the joy in achieving your goals, this episode is for you.

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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• The perfectionist cycle that keeps overachievers feeling stuck and overwhelmed
• The one question that can instantly change how you approach your goals
• Why hating the process makes success harder (and how to flip the script)
• How to train your brain to love the work that leads to results
• The surprising reason why food often feels like a source of comfort—and what to do about it

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Download the full transcript here.

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  I'm officially wearing my Valentine's day sweater if you're seeing this on video, because I think that the best Valentine's day gift that we can actually give ourselves as busy professional overachievers is falling in love with our weight loss and wellness strategy and knowing how to walk out of misery. I'm going to start with a story and then I'm going to share with you a step by step process for how to walk yourself out of feeling miserable when it comes to hitting any goal, personal, professional for your body. and walk into a feeling of freedom, walk into a feeling that really is going to help you anchor to what you want and what you love. Because I think that to sustain any results that you want to create on or off the scale, it is going to require this process. When I was preparing for my oral OBGYN board exams. It was literally one of the most miserable experiences that I have ever had in my life to date. I would assign myself a really strict study schedule full of all of the OBGYN chapters, practice bulletins and committee opinions that I had to read. And then come on a Friday night, which is when I would often load a lot of my studying. I would never actually want to study. I would think things like this week has been so hard. I've been up until two AM delivering babies. I have these two young kids that I've had to handle all week and I just want a break. I'll catch up tomorrow. Let me just take a break for today. And so I would skip what I had scheduled on my calendar or if I felt kind of guilty and if I was getting really behind, I might read the chapter that I had assigned myself, but it would be very half ass. So I would read it. But not really read it. I would be reading the words on the paper, but not actually remember anything that I was reading. So either way, whether I procrastinated on the chapter I said I was going to read, or if I surface level read it, I would have to reread the chapter again. And so what happened week after week, and eventually month after month, is one chapter piled into two, which piled into 10 and very, very, very quickly, I started to get extremely behind on my study schedule. This guaranteed a feeling of overwhelm and absolutely misery at the idea of studying and at the idea of this oral board exam. And from that place of overwhelm, I would try to double down to make up for lost time. It's classic perfectionism as it applies to the overachiever. You make a schedule, even if it doesn't make complete sentence. And then because of stress or overwhelm, you just need a break. So you procrastinate on what you said you were going to do, you get further behind, and then you try to double down tomorrow to make up for yesterday's missteps. This story is not just about oral board exams, as you might have guessed, but it is exactly what overachievers and perfectionists do when it comes to hitting your body goals. Can you feel how miserable this experience was where you have a schedule, you don't stick to it, you get further behind and all of a sudden it feels like you have this insurmountable mountain in front of you. It was one of those typical Friday nights where I had again, set aside a time that I was supposed to be studying and I was feeling miserable. I did not want to study. And my husband comes up to me and he says, Willis, Why do you even want to take this test? Now, just a quick side note. Me and my husband both call each other Willis when we think that the other person is doing something completely ridiculous. I want to just give a little bit of background on this because it seems like such a random thing for us to call each other. But if you ever watched the show Different Strokes, it's a super old show. It's about these two brothers. The older brother's name is Willis, the younger brother is Arnold, played by Gary Coleman, and whenever Willis, the older brother, would say or do something a little bit crazy or a little bit ridiculous, Arnold would make this very cute face and say to Willis, What you talking about Willis? And somehow when my husband and I started dating and when we met, this is like over 20 years ago, we started calling each other a Willis when we thought the other person was doing or saying something crazy. Anyways, back to my story. My very non medical husband sees me completely miserable, sees me Friday after Friday going through this entire rigmarole where I would either force myself to read a chapter and not really read it or procrastinate on the chapter and find myself snacking and scrolling and doing all kinds of shenanigans. And he said to me, why are you bothering with this test? Why are you bothering with becoming board certified?

  And he said this in a way where he thought it was being ridiculous. And I remember my initial response to him was, I didn't even give it a second thought. I just said, Because I have to. I have to take this test. I'm supposed to take this test. I cannot not take this test. And he stopped me in this conversation and he said, actually, you really don't have to. You've already graduated medical school. You've completed residency. You could just let that be enough and not be a board certified doctor. Now, after I got over my initial shock of the ridiculousness of this question, where my initial response was just to brush it under the rug and call it crazy talk, I realized that he actually brought up a very important, very real question that was challenging my need to take this test. I didn't. You actually have to do it, right? So the question was, why was I now I have talked with hundreds of women in every industry. And I know that because you have a lot of grit and resourcefulness, you're going to hit goals either way with misery or without, but a common thread between women who hit goals while feeling miserable and overwhelmed and eventually fatigued. And the women that don't is what we are covering in today's podcast episode. Today's podcast episode, and even the story is going to really talk about the path. To flip from feeling fatigued to experiencing freedom, walking this path from fatigue to freedom is going to require that you answer a couple of maybe hard questions. And I want to invite you to be really intentional about it. What we're covering today on the podcast is one of those most. Overlooked mindset pieces. That is a huge gap in most weight loss and wellness strategies. I know that it was for me. I have personal experience with this, which is why I'm even sharing the story and it's what I see with professional women all the time. Hey, unstoppable friend. You're listening to the burn stress, lose weight podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Priyanka Venugopal, a physician termed a stress and weight loss coach for professional working moms and the founder of the Burn Stress, Lose Weight, Feel Unstoppable Small Group Coaching Program. This podcast is going to inspire change at the root for you on and off the scale. I've lost a little over 60 pounds while being a busy physician mom with two young kids and an unpredictable schedule. And along my journey, which was full of many, many imperfect moments, I have learned how to skip past the fads and the gimmicks. I am on this mission now to share with you how you can have a real strategy and mindset skills to really have more of the life you want that you have worked so hard for. Let's get into it. When I was in the throes of stress and overwhelm and fatigue with what felt like a mountain of work ahead of me, just the idea of studying and taking this test filled me with an incredible amount of resistance and it made every minute of my day, it at the workplace and even at home feel miserable. My misery, not surprisingly, led me to snack and scroll and procrastinate and start from scratch. I would find myself researching the best study strategies again and again, planning from scratch again and again, waiting for another Monday morning. And if you have been picking up what I put down on this podcast, you likely know that these are simply perfectionist habits that perpetuate a lot of problem and overwhelm. Here's the reality, this fatigue that you might've experienced when it comes to your weight loss strategy, or really hitting any goal is not in your head, not doing what you said you were going to do takes a lot of effort, procrastinating on what you said, scrolling and snacking and starting from scratch and planning again in itself is incredibly exhausting. My husband, even though I wanted to fling a dance go at his head, actually asked me a really important question at the exact right time. I didn't actually have to do this. I didn't have to study. I didn't have to take this board exam. I could have let what I had done up until this point be perfectly enough. But him asking me this question really inadvertently forced me to ask myself something I had never asked myself. Did I really want this goal? Did I really want to be board certified for myself? Really? Why? Now I had to let go for a minute, which was the hard part, the voices of my parents and the big people in my life and mentors and societal programming for me to really check in with myself. Did I want this? Friends, I promise you there is a voice. It's an intuitive poll that you will hear in whispers. It will tell you yes, Or no, don't second guess the intuitive tug that you might've experienced when you have a goal that you really want. When I asked myself the question after my husband posted, do I really want this result? Do I really want this goal to become board certified? The intuitive answer that I had in that moment was yes. I really did. I actually did want to know this material inside and out, not because I had to, but because I wanted to be the best OBGYN that I could be. I was reminded about how much I love the work of caring for women in every season of their life. When a patient comes in and asks a question about perimenopause or endometriosis or hormones or pregnancy, I knew that. The level of studying that I would have to do for oral board exams would up level my confidence in how I could answer any and every question that she ever had. If I can answer an examiner's most challenging question, I would be able to answer any patient question hands down. And my patients and me deserve that. Just that exercise of me really asking myself, Whether I wanted to really take this test, and why, lit me up. I could feel my misery melting away, and it was replaced by a feeling of empowerment, of choice, of want. And it helped me tap into a strength that I had had inside of me the whole entire time, but was very much masked by resistance and And misery and fatigue and overwhelm.

  There are three changes that I made when I started to ask myself this question around whether or not I even want to take this test, whether I want to become board certified, that really helped me up level my experience to walk out from fatigue and into a feeling of more freedom. The very first change that I made was I looked at the math of my calendar and I made some very serious changes. I stopped putting chapters to read on a Friday night after a long week of being on call and taking care of my kids and my patients and instead I built in specific days and even weeks where I would truly give myself a break. Just this first step actually relaxed my nervous system. I knew that in fact, I was going to get a break. I would not have to steal it in the form of snacking or scrolling. The second thing that I did was I stopped going it alone. I stopped piecemealing my approach and I invested seriously in my study preparation process with an expert who had seen it all. I felt so much relief when I did this because I immediately knew if I just followed the strategy, I would absolutely get to my goal. And then lastly, which is what this entire episode is about, and most importantly, is I stopped complaining in my mind around what I quote unquote had to do, what I was quote unquote supposed to do, what I thought I needed to do. Instead, I reminded myself on a daily basis why I wanted this in the first place. So when it came time to read that chapter or the practice bulletin or the committee opinion, I was able to lean into the study process from that place. I told myself on purpose, I want this. I want to know this. I want to read this. I want to feel the confidence that's going to come once I really understand this material. I want to pass this exam. I want the work. And I want the result. Directing my brain on purpose to why I wanted the goal, which means, why did I want the work of the goal, helped me drop the misery around the entire process from beginning to end. What we're talking about doesn't just apply to an exam or a test. It applies to any goal, whether you have a weight loss goal, a wellness goal, a fitness goal, a relationship goal, or a professional goal. If you want the goal, You have to stop hating the work to get there. Here's how you can do yourself the biggest, biggest solid stop telling yourself you ever have to do anything. It's a lie that a lot of overachieving perfectionist women tell themselves, and it is perpetuating misery. As an adult woman, you don't actually have to. So instead ask yourself, do I want this goal? Really? Don't overthink this. Listen to your intuitive pull, that intuitive tug. You will hear it in a whisper. Yes, I want this, or no, I don't. Now remember, there might be a lot of social programming, maybe the voice of a big person in your life when you were younger that has told you what you're supposed to look like and how you're supposed to be and the rules by which you're supposed to live. But what this podcast is really reframing is take a pause from all of the external voices that have maybe shaped your goal setting process and simply ask yourself for the first time, maybe in a long time, Whether you actually want it. The next piece is if you hear that little intuitive whisper that says, yes, I want the school for myself. I want to feel better in my body, or I want to lose this weight, or I want to hit this personal fitness goal, or I have this personal wellness goal for myself this year, that really does matter to me. Train your brain to love the work. To get there. Not only will this make your weight loss and wellness journey feel a lot more fun, which is crazy, but absolutely possible. You will feel more empowered and free. The reality is, is it takes a lot more time, a lot more effort and a lot more bandwidth to hate the process. Trust me, I've done the math. It takes a lot more time, effort, and bandwidth to procrastinate on what you said, to snack and scroll, to start from scratch again, to plan again, to wait for the next Monday morning. And not only does this take a lot of your time, effort, and bandwidth, it starts to build disbelief, which is just one more hurdle that you have to work through. This is a simple, yet, I think, mind blowing concept that I hope will nip misery for you forever in the bud. This one concept helped me pass oral board exams while actually enjoying the process more than I ever would have.

  I was able to walk into that oral board exam with more confidence because I knew that I had given it my all. This one concept will help you lose the weight you want, hit your next body goal, your next professional goal without feeling miserable. Now it's true that you might not Always be completely motivated and excited to do the work, to put on the sports bra and the sneakers to hit the gym, to open the textbook, to open the chapter, to eat in the way that you said you would, when you can feel in your gut that this is the goal that you want, and you actually take your brain to the gym and you practice reminding yourself why you do in fact love the work, you're going to be able to follow through on what you said with so much more ease. This is going to actually up level, the discipline that you already have in other areas of your life, but will help you apply it to your personal professional goals. I was talking to a friend about this exact concept and we were discussing how this concept applies specifically to weight loss and to body goals. And she was sharing with me that when she has that initial gust of motivation, typically at the start of a new year, her birthday or a new program, she has lots of success. She has a lot of experience hitting goals. She's really excited about it and really motivated. But she has also seen, after many years of doing this, that at some point along the way, whether it's a few weeks or a few months, she eventually starts to crumble and she was sharing with me that that entire experience, where she feels excited, and then her excitement dips, and then she crumbles, has started to become exhausting for her. It's exhausting for her to keep making certain decisions again and again and again. Should I have the cookie or should I not have it? Should I have this donut or should I not have it? Should I eat my kiddo's brownies or should I not? Should I eat the pizza on Friday night pizza night or not? And she was sharing with me, I just get exhausted by this entire endeavor. And the reason that we were having this conversation is because she was sharing with me that she's on such a high from New Year's and she is really been taking her weightless and wellness goals seriously. She's starting to feel so much better, but she also knows that this is typically around the time that she starts to crumble and she didn't want that. So I wanted to share with you one of the things that I told her, because there's one very key difference between studying for oral board exams or a professional goal and weight loss or having a body goal ultimately speaking, food is a very, very primitive and reliable way to feel safe. It is a source of safety and a reliable way to take a break from actual life stresses. It's natural and it's been hardwired that guarantees you that small dopamine hit, that little moment where you get a break and you feel deeply taken care of. Even if the food is crap. Snacking, nibbling, and food in general is the one reliable way that your brain is being signaled that you're being taken care of. Just remember last week's podcast episode where we talked about the very convincing and convenient stories our brain creates to keep our body's set point high. Those food loving, food driving thoughts are physiologically really normal. And very, very, very compelling before you can walk from fatigue to freedom. There is one very, very necessary thing that we have to make sure is in place for you. Your strategy has to ensure that you're getting enough of the right nutrition, enough rest, enough play, and enough movement, because if your strategy doesn't have. This at a baseline, your brain can never do the work of deeply loving the work. Once that piece is in place, I call this really having a strategy that you know, is going to heal your hormone health, make you a fat burner, one that takes care of your mind and your body. Now we can get to the real work, which is taking that strategy and putting it into action.

  So if you have a goal and you've decided that you really do want it, you have to do the work. To want the work of getting there. I say this because not wanting to do the work or keeping very convincing, compelling, and convenient stories that are creating a lot of stress and overwhelm, hating the process, hating what you have to do is creating a lot of misery. So let it be incredibly simple. Start with one small thing, for example, instead of thinking, Ooh, that cookie would be so delicious, right? I want you to imagine this entire scenario where I'm sitting about to open up this chapter that I'm supposed to read or the project you're supposed to work on or the deadline that you have where it's Friday night and the kitchen is cleaned and the kids are put to bed and you have a thought like, Ooh, that would be so good. Insert your favorite food, Cool Ranch Doritos, cookies, pizzas, snacks, insert whatever your favorite food is. That sentence that you have about food is flooding your brain physiologically with dopamine and endorphins. It fills your body with a lot of overdesire and now you're left with trying to willpower yourself out of that emotion. You might hear yourself thinking, I'm not supposed to eat that cookie. I'm not allowed to eat that cookie. I have to stay on plan, which is going to fill you with so much resistance, negotiation, fatigue, and eventual frustration. Instead of thinking, ooh. That cookie would be so good. I want you to practice redirecting your brain. Practice redirecting to why not eating the cookie would actually be more delicious. How would doing what you said you were going to do be even more delicious? How might not over snacking, over eating, random nibbling be even more delicious? How might feeling less bloated in your gut or stepping on the scale tomorrow and seeing it down be even more delicious? Directing your brain on purpose to the work, teaching your brain to want to do the work, is going to create so much freedom from the cookie. And it makes following through on what you said feel so much more fun and easeful. If you want to hit your next body goal without the misery, you want to experience more fun and freedom, This is the work. Just remember, you don't actually have to hit any body goal. You don't have to lose weight. You don't have to go pass board exams. There is no real right answer here or no societal norm that should get to dictate this for you. Start by asking yourself, what do you want? And seriously, feel yourself light up from that place. And if you hear yourself saying that you do want a goal personally, professionally, for the scale, get your brain on board with wanting the work. This one concept can change your entire experience of weight loss, of hitting your body goal. For me, it changed my entire life. It takes practice and persistence, and I know it is going to make such a difference for you moving forward.

  Okay, my unstoppable friend. I hope you loved this podcast episode and you take this, what we talked about today and start putting it into action starting today, starting this week, if you feel yourself, if you hear yourself thinking, I have to, I'm supposed to, I need to catch the story. This is one of those autopilot thoughts that we have been talking about on the podcast. And I want you to start catching it. Catch the story that is creating your misery, your stress, and your overwhelm. Start flipping the script. You don't actually have to ever, ever pursue any of these goals, but if you want to, doing the work to love the work is going to make it so much easier. Have an amazing week, my friends, and I will see you at the next one. Thanks for spending this time with me on the Burn Stress, Lose Weight podcast today. I hope that you are leaving today's podcast episode feeling a little lighter and more inspired than when we started. It turns out. that you don't need to have a stress free life to hit your goals on and off the scale. But when you feel more empowered to respond to your real life stresses with true strategy, we will game change how we show up and how we hit our goals. If you want to take what you're learning here on the podcast and put it into real life implementation, it might be time for us to work together in the Burn Stress, Lose Weight, Feel Unstoppable group coaching program. Head over to burnstressloseweight.com and you can learn all of the details, the nuts, the bolts when the next group is starting and exactly how you can join. Okay, friend, I'll see you next time.