Summary 

Let’s be honest—boredom doesn’t feel sexy or motivational… but it might just be the exact ingredient your future self is counting on.

In today’s episode, I’m coming to you straight from my car (yes, really!) after a StairMaster session that reminded me why I do what I do and why I used to resist this kind of work so hard. I’m talking all about how to embrace boredom without burnout, and how your ability to take consistent action might have less to do with willpower and more to do with your relationship with your three identities: your past self, your present self, and your future self.

If you’ve ever thought “I’m just not that kind of person,” this episode is for you.

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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• Why doing “boring” things might be the most loving thing you can do for your future self
• How your past experiences might be quietly shaping your current sabotage
• What to do when your plan sounds great on paper but never fits in your actual life
• How I went from dreading exercise to (gasp) loving the StairMaster
• A powerful mindset shift that makes showing up easier, even when it’s not exciting

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Download the full transcript here.

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  Hey friends. Welcome back to the Burn Stress, Lose Weight podcast. Today I'm coming to you from my car, but with my microphone so I really hope the sound quality is as good as usual. And if you cannot tell, I have really been on a kick with allowing my creative energy and the concepts that I really wanna talk about on the podcast episode in this season that I'm in to come from a place that is not led by my typical perfectionist tendencies. So I've been talking about on the podcast a lot how overachievers really put so much pressure on themselves because we feel like we have to have the perfect setup, the perfect plan, the perfect notes to do high quality work. And in fact, perfectionism is usually just a really sneaky procrastination tactic, which I have found myself over the last season. I've just noticed that perfectionism has been slowing me down and I decided that I wanted to practice what I teach here on the podcast. I have a lot of family travel coming up in August, and so I decided over the months of June and July to bring my recording device with me in my bag wherever I am, and if I feel bit by the inspiration bug than to just pop on and record the podcast episode like this for all of you, because I know when it comes from this place, I really do think that it lands really well. I wanna share with you today's podcast episode is all about boredom. It is all about how to embrace boredom and also how to do so without feeling terrible, and the grit and grind that I think a lot of overachievers feel like they need to use to achieve their weight loss goals. So I wanna just share a little story and then I'm going to talk about a mindset concept. This is a mindset heavy topic that I really hope will help you really think about boredom and your goals in a slightly different way. So the reason that this entire podcast episode is even being inspired is I was on the StairMaster today, which I have shared on the podcast. I have a goal this year to be able to do 60 minutes on the StairMaster at level nine with no breaks. I declared this goal back in January when I could probably do maybe four or five minutes, like my endurance was just total crap, and I decided back in January this was a goal that I had for [00:02:00] myself, mostly because I just want to challenge myself to be able to do it. I want to grow my endurance capacity, and I knew that to have this ability to do the 60 minutes on the StairMaster, I knew that I had to start in January for me to achieve this goal. To achieve the goal, I had to embrace some of the boring work, the tedious, boring, and very repetitive work of the StairMaster. I don't know about any of you, I don't know if any of you love the StairMaster, I absolutely hate it. I do not love it at all. Also, I know that it is really good for me. My body feels better. I feel so much stronger. It's a different type of physical activity than strength training or lifting. I just love that it is a way to get such powerful endurance results without running on a treadmill, which I hate even more than the StairMaster. And so I was on the StairMaster today, and let me just tell you, it has been an imperfect journey the last six months. I started at four to five minutes. It was super imperfect. My trip to India derailed me. I had a lot of travel in May, and of course I didn't have a StairMaster in my back pocket. Definitely didn't have it when you were traveling in all the villages in India. So I definitely went off track. From where my goal was. However, I came back to it, I stuck with it. I let myself be a little bit behind. I let myself be imperfect, and I'm now back up to, I think I'm at like 33 or 34 minutes is what I did today. So I'm still on track to be able to hit 60 minutes by December. While I was on the StairMaster, I had the thought. This is so boring and it really made me think about the growth that I have had around doing the boring work to achieve a goal and where I used to be when it comes to boring work, like when it comes to weight loss, nutrition, and exercise. So I remember back in medical school, I had this friend who just loved exercise. I am never. Ever been that person. I've never been the person that just wakes up bright and early and then just like hops over to the gym in her little exercise outfit that just has all the energy and has that really zen-like experience with a cup of coffee. Like, you know what you see in a movie or maybe even when you're scrolling Instagram. It's like that perfect vision of waking up early and meditating and hitting the gym with. All the energy and a good attitude who never yells at her kids and just this perfect vision of health. I had this idea of what a perfect vision of health looked like, and I was so far from that in medical school I used to be number one, a little bit in survival mode. I was just trying to survive. I was not. Naturally. Just a smart person that got a's, I had to really work hard to get my B's. Okay. That was me. I had to work really hard and I felt perpetually behind. I felt very much like I was not the smartest kid anymore, the way I used to feel like I was in elementary school and middle school. I had a lot of thoughts about myself, and I remember this one friend of mine in medical school. She just had this, what seemed like natural discipline, this natural desire to go on hikes and to exercise and to be healthy. And in my mind I thought she was just like naturally thin, had good genetics. I had a whole story about how she was living her life, even though she was in medical school just like me. We were taking the same classes she was managing to prioritize being outdoors and hiking and nature and exercise. And I remember thinking at that point, I want to want it. I want to want to exercise. I want to want to be outside. I want to want to like health, like the healthy things. It's perfect vision of health and for a long time, because I, and many of you I think are also living in the land of all or nothing. I used to think, well, I don't love it, so I basically hate it. Very all or nothing. By the way, if you see people in the background, it's because I'm in the parking lot of my gym. I just finished my serum master, so I was bit by the inspiration bugs. So here we are. This was back in 2008, so this is almost 17, 18 years ago, 17 and a half years ago. And I just had this, I was in my twenties and I just had this idea in my head like, I'm just not like her. I'm just not someone that loves to work out. I'm not someone that enjoys healthy things. That's just how I am. That's just who I am. And so it felt, whenever I would have a goal, I was trying to, you know, either lose weight or maintain, actually I had just lost a lot of weight for my wedding, so I was trying to not gain all of it back. Basically I was trying to like, hold on for like dear life. Holding onto my a hundred calorie oatmeal packets, which is how I lost the weight to begin with, and I just felt terrible in the process. And anytime that, you know, my husband would wanna go out on a date night, which was rare by the way, in medical school or anytime that anything fun that had to do with food or alcohol or fun came up. I just felt like I couldn't really enjoy it because in the back of my mind I had this idea that my weight loss results that I had gotten to with like a lot of work for my wedding was going to slip outta my fingers. It felt like slippery like sand that I could not hold onto like I'm, you know, you're gripping sand is just like slipping out of your hands. That's how I felt when it came to my weight loss results and it's not a surprise, my friends, if you feel like that about your results, if you have so much distrust, so much disbelief that your results can last, your brain will create very convincing, compelling, and convenient stories for you to not put in the effort. If I could go back in time, my past self would not even recognize myself today because of this identity. I had this identity that I'm just like not a healthy person. I don't love healthy things, and so I didn't do the healthy things. I forced myself. And because I was already working so hard in medical school, I was already feeling mentally just like, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I can't work out enough. I had so many not enough thoughts that something had to give. What had to give the lowest denominator thing, which was my body goal because I had to get through medical school. So over the course of ten-ish years through medical school, and then this entire mindset came with me through residency, it definitely followed me in my first pregnancy. And then of course my second and early attending life. Over 10 years, I gained 60 pounds. 60 pounds. I was never that heavy. So, you know, before my wedding back in 2005, 2006, 2007, I kind of wanted to lose probably 15 to 20 pounds for my wedding. I did all the things, a hundred calorie oatmeal packets, counted points in calories, never went out, tracked every single thing, hit the gym six days a week, and I lost the weight. So I looked really good for my wedding. And then of course, medical school and residency, I could not sustain that lifestyle, so I slowly gained it back. It was like a very slow, but very steady and obvious creep up. And you can hide some of this when you're wearing scrubs. Some of it can be hidden. Some of it's like, eh, it's not that bad. Let me just not weigh myself. I would monkey emoji. Oh my gosh. I just think back too. All of the things that I did that were so unkind to myself, it was so unkind to ignore myself. It was so unkind to put this off. It was so unkind to tell myself like, Priyanka, you know what? Just like you can deal with this later, and I say, it was so unkind to myself. I thought I was doing myself a kindness because I was so busy with school and then residency. But really the thing that was so unkind is believing that I had to deprive myself or like do this really deprivation filled process to achieve my goal. And if this is you, by the way, you're not alone. I have felt this way. This is why we think we have to do it. This is what you've been taught for so many years. Let's flash forward. So I realized, I think this was now in 2017, 2018, 2019. Now I am at my personal heaviest. I realized I got to a point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. That's what it was. I got to a point where I could not ignore it anymore. I was physically feeling uncomfortable. I could feel like my life was just passing me by. I had spent a decade, a little over a decade, kind of monkey emoji and covering my eyes from it. It's like I could not ignore it anymore, and. There came that moment. I've shared it on the podcast before where I just realized like, Priyanka, this is the prime of your life, my friend. Do we really want to live this way? And either it has already come for you, which is why you're listening to this podcast, or it will come for you very soon where you realize that your status quo, that you have just been allowing to be the case because you've been in a little bit of survival mode, maybe through school or training or just like having children or really busy seasons of your life, you realize at some point that it's intolerable. You realize, I actually don't want this status quo anymore. And that was when I went on a very like amazing, very effortful journey to change my results. And this did not happen overnight at all. But I wanna share with you one of the pivotal mindset lessons that I learned. How I completely changed a big piece of my identity, which was, you know, in medical school I was sharing, I'm just not a healthy person. I don't love healthy things. I don't love to work out. I had so many thoughts about myself that I did not realize at the time were just thoughts. I used to think that that's just who I am. I am just someone who does not like to work out. I am just someone who does not like healthy things. And when you have that kind of a myopic view of your identity. It's no surprise that you stay there. So when I had that realization, this was now almost seven or eight years ago, that my status quo is intolerable. The results that I have, I had this good on paper life, like yeah, I have all the check marks that a supportive partner and a marriage that is lovely and these kids that are healthy and a job as an OBGYN had a job. I did not feel burned out as a physician as so many are. I felt grateful for my patients and my staff and my colleagues. And also I was not feeling my best, and I realized for me to have different results, I have to show up differently. And for me to show up differently, I have to evolve and grow my identity. I cannot be the exact same person I have been where I will keep recreating. The same results. So this leads me to kind of this concept I wanna talk about. I didn't realize I was doing this at the time, but if I take a fine tooth comb over how I went from having the identity of someone who quote unquote hates healthy things and hates working out and hates planning all of her nutrition, like who is that person? I could not have imagined 10 years ago, 20 years ago, that I would be someone that loves. Hitting the gym that loves planning my nutrition, that loves eating well. I'm like, who is this person? How did that growth happen? How did that identity shift happen? The universe did not plop this into my brain. It did not happen on its own. It happened with some intentionality, and it is leading me to teach this concept today on the podcast, and I'm going to basically talk about two different things. The first one is you actually have. Three identities. I'm gonna tell you what I mean by that in just a second. So just hang tight. And then the second thing that I want to share with you is that two things can be true at the same time.

  So this is like a two-parter episode. I'm just gonna go with it. We're just gonna go 'cause we're chitchatting. These two kind of go hand in hand. Let me tell you what I mean about you have three identities. When I was in medical school and when I was gaining all of the weight that I was gaining, when I was putting off, taking action on my body goals, on my wellness goals, on my best self, it is because I was operating from only my current self. I was only operating for my in the moment self. I was in survival mode. I was just trying to survive, just trying to get through medical school, get through residency, get through being a new mom, get through a new marriage, get through, get through, get through. And when I was in that mindset, I was only focused on my current self. I didn't have the capacity or the bandwidth to think about my future self. I was just trying to survive. And while we stay. In that mode of survival mode while we stay in this very fight, flight, freeze way of living, it makes perfect sense that your brain does not actually have the capacity to think about the future. And when that happens, we will very naturally pick the lowest effort option. This is your primitive brain doing all the normal primitive brain things that it does. It'll pick the lowest option. It will want the shortest shortcuts. It will want the quickest fixes for your pleasure and for your breaks, and it will want to run away from all of your discomforts. Enter snacking and scrolling. Enter procrastination. You can have that amazing plan on Monday with. When you are just focused on your current self, you're not able to think about your future self because you're in such a stressed state, such a dysregulated state, it's impossible to put that plan into action because you're just trying to survive. Now, you can actually be a very productive person, especially a lot of overachievers that listen to this podcast, physicians and attorneys and professors and team leaders, you are very productive, but you also might be very dysregulated, so you don't have a discipline problem. You're just in an incredibly stressed state, which is why this podcast is called Burn Stress, Lose Weight because they go hand in hand. You cannot be incredibly stressed and hit your goals at the same time because you cannot. Think about your future self. So this leads me to what I mean by you have three identities. You have your current identity yourself right now that is taking action right now that has desires right now that want certain comforts, that wants to avoid certain discomforts. That is you right now. You also have a past self. You have a past self that maybe experienced some small traumas. You might have a past self that was raised with a lot of punishment. Or someone that was raised with a lot of deprivation, or someone that was raised in a lot of scarcity, you might've been someone that was raised with a lot of criticism, a lot of harsh judgment, a lot of shame or embarrassment, a lot of anger. Whether it was directed at you from maybe the big people in your life because that's how they were raised, and maybe it's cultural or just generational, you might have been someone that experienced some form of lack. Inadequacy or some form of criticism where you thought that that is just how you're supposed to experience your life, and especially with weight loss, if you're someone that thought you have to count every calorie and point to lose weight. If you thought you had to deprive yourself of a piece of chocolate or a dessert on date night or a glass of wine with your girlfriends, if you thought you had to deprive yourself of those things to lose weight, there is a past self. Of you that is not trusting you. There's a past self that needs a little bit of acknowledgement that maybe needs a little bit of love, that maybe you need to forgive some of the ways that you treated her, the way that you pushed her, and the way that you might have held back from giving her what she needed. Can you see guys like there is a past self that. Is not trusting that her needs will be completely met. So if you have ever experienced your current self right now, you feel nervous or worried around weight loss, the idea of weight loss, like, Ooh, let me get it while I can because you know what, she's probably going to deprive me. Or if you go out on Friday night and you find yourself overeating when you said you wouldn't, it is only because your past self was deprived. So we have to account that your past self does not trust you. That's okay. It's okay. Your past self does not trust you. My past self did not trust me when I realized that, wait a second, I can actually achieve my body goals and my weight loss goals without depriving myself. My mind was blown, but I had to do the work of really acknowledging that I had deprive myself in the past. I had not anchored to learning how to give myself real rest and play. That's why we talked about recently on the podcast, the plane ticket to Paris. If you are a perpetual overworker and overachiever. You are probably not trusting that you're gonna give yourself a break, which is why your brain steals it. So the first person we have to acknowledge is your past self. She does not trust you, okay? She does not trust that you're going to give her the breaks when she needs it, so she'll steal it. So the first piece of this process is remembering that there's a past self that needs to be acknowledged. The second person that needs to be acknowledged is your current self. If you have a plan that. Is not based in science, does not have science informed strategies to help you recalibrate your fat burning hormones. It supports your hormone health, especially after 35. That's giving you enough high quality nutrition that supports your metabolism and your muscle and your mood. If you're not giving yourself enough food, your brain is going to not want to do it. You'll be able to do it for short periods of time, but you'll not be able to sustain it, especially after 35. After 40, you actually need more food than you realize. So your current self actually has to have the math. If you're trying to fit in 10 hours of work into a five hour window, if you're trying to give yourself 500 calories to eat every single day, the math is not going to math my friends. So that's the second person we have to account for is your. Current self. Where are you trying to squeeze in? Where like the math is not working? Where are you trying to squeeze in too much onto your calendar? Where are you not giving yourself enough nutrition that it's sustainable? That's the second person we have to account for. The first one was your past self. The one that's not trusting that you're going to take care of her needs. The second one is your current self. The math is not math thing, right? So you're gonna be perpetually overwhelmed. And then the third one, and this is the one I think that is the most impactful, is your future self. There's a third identity that we have to remember on a daily basis. Your 80-year-old self has certain desires. Okay? If you could flash forward to your 80-year-old self right now, what will she wish that you did today? What will she want for you? Today I can say without a shadow of a doubt for me, I want all of you to answer this question. My 80-year-old self will not say I wish that I had worked more. I wish I had more money. I wish that I was on my laptop more, or checking my email more, or scrolling my phone more, or eating every single snack or overeating. My 80-year-old self will not want that. My 80-year-old self will wish that I learned how to be present with my kids and present with my partner. My 8-year-old self will wish that I played more and had a little bit more fun. My 8-year-old self will wish that I traveled more, that I experienced my life, that I made memories with my friends and my family. My 8-year-old self will wish that I did some courageous things. My 8-year-old self will wish that I did not let fear, scarcity, and doubt hold me back. My 8-year-old self will want to have the strongest, healthiest body possible, and that starts with me starting now. I think a lot about this phrase, I'm like terrible with phrases. So if I mess this up. Forgive me. The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, but the next best time is today. I kind of agree with this and I kind of don't the part that I agree with is, you know, we keep waiting for tomorrow to take action on things because we think when life is easier, when my to-do list is less hectic, when my schedule's a little bit more free when I've made some progress, then I'll really lean in and we end up perpetually waiting. But the other part is we forget that we have to really address all three of our identities. So a big part for me when I started to shift my mindset from my medical school mindset, which was I am just someone who doesn't like to work out. I'm just someone who doesn't like to plan. I'm just someone who doesn't like quote unquote that stuff. Part of the evolution of my identity was. Actually bringing together all three of these pieces, I had to really think about on a daily basis, letting myself fall in love with the boring, tedious parts of achieving my body goal. It's not exciting all the time to put on the sports bra and get the sneakers and go do the StairMaster. Like that's not exactly exciting. It's not exactly exciting and fireworks, but what I realized is. The goal of me achieving my body goals was very exciting. Me having that body when I'm 80 years old where I can lug my own groceries around and I feel like I have strength and vitality to still travel and spend time with my family, that's very exciting. Part of the work that I have really had to do is on purpose, actually accept this is where two things can be true. At the same time, I can actually love and trust my process and I can let it be boring. Lemme just say that again. Two things can be true at the same time, I can love and trust. Process and I can let it be boring. And again, this is really based on the caveat that we answer for any of the deprivation that you might've experienced, the scarcity that you might've experienced as your past self. So I hope that this podcast, this is a little chit chatty episode. I really wanted to bring together this concept because I was just thinking on the StairMaster today, there's no way, no way that I would've ever done this 10 years ago. I would've after three minutes been like, this is boring. Forget it. Nevermind tomorrow. Like I would've had so many thoughts like that that would've been the most convenient and convincing justifications to put it off. But the way that I have been able to tap into this inner motivation, that's what I want for all of us intrinsic motivation. Not because you have an accountability buddy or because you're supposed to, you know, because of willpower and a lot of like slog and terribleness, but because you have this intrinsic desire to support your future self, she's counting on you, your future self. Is counting on you. I was in such a flow in the car. I was like heated discussion on intrinsic motivation and your three identities, and then of course my laptop died. So we are back and I am going to wrap up this episode with really recapping the intention of this podcast, which is most of the time, most overachievers. While you are just focusing on your current self, while the math of your plan is not really fitting your life while you keep trying to squeeze in 10 hours of work into a five hour window, while you perpetually delay your guilt-free rest and play, there's going to be a very big part of you that is not going to feel the intrinsic drive to do what you said you were going to do, and no amount of planning or fresh starts on Monday or birthdays or New Year's or accountability buddies will actually help you achieve your goal. We have to remember that actually you don't just have your current identity. Today, there are actually three identities that I want you to start thinking about. The very first identity is your past self. Actually go back and think about some of the lessons that she has learned in how you maybe treated her, how you treated her when she was a really little kid, and even as she was growing up and going through training. Where did you put off? Real guilt-free rest and play. Why she might not trust that you're going to give her the things that she needs to feel her best and how you have to actually build trust back with her. So that's identity number one. Identity number two is your current self. The math. Has to math. If you keep trying to stuff too much onto your calendar, or if you keep perpetually not giving yourself enough nutrition, you're not going to support your ability to create sustainable results. You're just going to create a lot of overwhelm and a lot of frustration. And then I think the most important, well, they're all equally important, but I feel like this is important, is your third identity, which is your future self. She's relying on you. You actually, in a sense, when you think about her and what she might want for you and her goals and her dreams and her desires. You actually kind of have a time machine because we get to think about her right now and do exactly what she might wish for you. And this is where we have to accept that sometimes the work is going to be boring. Sometimes it's going to be tedious. Sometimes that might mean saying no to something, and I think we get confused with saying no to things as that's deprivation. The only reason for that is because we are not accounting for our past self. So I know that this is a little bit of a mindset Sety episode, and it might feel like a stretch for you. If you need to go back and take a listen to this, really go back and listen to how we have to learn that more than one thing can be true. At the same time, you can have a process that you love and that you trust. It can be a process that fits into your calendar right now. It can be a process that science informed really supports your nutrition that. Fits into the math of your life. And also we have to really build trust back. We have to have anchors to guilt free rest and play, or your brain will steal it. That's your past self. And the last piece of it is we have to acknowledge that there might be times that it's going to be boring, that it's going to get repetitive, that it's going to get tedious, that it's not so fun and exciting, but the way that you. Keep going is you have to keep that future self in mind. You have to remember, she's just waiting for you to choose her every single day, not because you have to or because you're supposed to, but because you want to. I hope that you all enjoyed this chit chatty episode and that the interruption in the middle was not too frustrating for you. I really love recording podcast episodes like this. I'm going to be doing this as long as I feel the creative bite to pop in with these ideas and these concepts because I know without a shadow of a doubt that overachieving women are. Overwhelmed, not because you don't have the time, it's because of the mindset that you have about the time you do have. It's like we keep on pushing, taking action off until later, or we don't have a process right now that we feel like we can reliably trust. So I really hope that today's podcast episode just sheds a little bit of light, really gives you the drive to maybe zoom out and not just think about your current self today, but zooms out and maybe thinks about your past self and what were her needs that maybe you ignored, and what are the desires that your future self will really wish that you prioritized today? If you just start thinking about those things, you might find the smallest shift in that intrinsic motivation to start taking action.

  Now, the other thing I wanna share, because I have a lot of amazing resources for all of you, I know that sometimes when you find one podcast episode, you start going down the rabbit hole of all the podcast episodes, and maybe you don't know which podcast episode to start with. Should I start on episode one and work? My way up, or I'll start on this latest and greatest and kind of go backwards. I created a four part private podcast so that you can really learn my philosophies, some science informed strategy on how to burn fat, lose weight, feel better while being a busy professional. And you can go and grab this private podcast right now. Bingeable, you can just like grab a spot in your car or in your closet, go and listen to the entire thing. And my intention with creating the four-part kind of miniseries or a private podcast is you will actually walk away with a lot more clarity on the exact steps you need to start taking right now to really support that future version of you. So if you want to go grab it, you can head over to burnstressloseweight.com/bodyreset. It is called the Body Reset Private Podcast. It is by me. It's four episodes and it's really designed to help you in bite-size pieces. Start taking action today because that is where your results are really going to come from. I hope you all enjoyed today's podcast episode and I will see you in your email inbox if you decide to go grab the private podcast with the link. And I hope you guys all have an amazing week. Bye. Thanks for spending this time with me on the Burn Stress, Lose Weight  podcast today. I hope that you are leaving today's podcast episode feeling a little lighter and more inspired than when we started. It turns out that you don't need to have a stress-free life to hit your goals on and off the scale, but when you feel more empowered to respond to your real life stresses with true strategy. We will game change how we show up and how we hit our goals. If you wanna take what you are learning here on the podcast and put it into real life implementation, it might be time for us to work together in the Burn Stress, Lose Weight, Feel Unstoppable group coaching program. Head over to burnstressloseweight.com, and you can learn all of the details, the nuts, the bolts, when the next group is starting, and exactly how you can join. Okay, friend, I'll see you next time.