Summary 

The holidays are here — and so are the endless parties, deadlines, and emotions that make it feel impossible to stay on plan. But what if stress wasn’t the villain? What if understanding how your body and brain respond to stress could help you finally stay consistent through the busiest season of the year?

In this first episode of the Stress Type Mini-Series, we’re diving into the Flight Response — also known as The Escapist. You’ll learn why your brain feels pulled toward the pantry (or the wine glass) when life gets hectic, and how to retrain it without more willpower or rules.

Learn more about The Unstoppable Group: https://www.burnstressloseweight.com/

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• Why your “discipline problem” is really a stress regulation problem
• The science behind emotional eating and the Think–Feel–Act cycle
• How your brain learns to equate stress relief with food or alcohol
• The ABCD Bridge framework to interrupt stress-eating in real time
• How to feel safe navigating big emotions — without escaping them

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Featured on the Show:

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Download the full transcript here.

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  Hello, my unstoppable friend. Welcome back to the Burn Stress, Lose Weight podcast. In celebration of the holiday season through the months of November and December, I know that this is typically the time that most women either believe that they can't achieve their body goals because of all of the amazing social events that you have and the cultural festivities and the time that you're spending with your family, which is likely centered around food and alcohol and all the special things that come out during the holiday season, I decided to bring back this mini series to not just celebrate the holidays, but to show you how it is completely possible to understand how to eat in a way where you can celebrate the holidays, where you can enjoy social connection with your loved ones, and at the same time not completely sabotage your goals. The thing I love about the last quarter of the year when most people might push it to the side or brush it under the rug or think that they're just going to wait for next season. I actually like to use the last season of the year to get a headstart on the brand new year. This four part miniseries is going to dive into the four emotional eating stress types that ever drive you to eat when your gut is not hungry, that ever drives you to go off plan? Have you ever noticed that you can be completely on plan one day where you're eating exactly the way that you said you would? You're following all of the things that you said you were going to do, and then maybe one hard conversation with a loved one, or a fight with your partner or something with your kids, or even just a social event coming up during the holiday season completely takes you off track. This is never happening 'cause you don't know what to do. This is happening because of what's happening under the surface. There is literally always an emotion that drives you to take tiny detours off your plan, and it's those tiny moments where your results are living in this last quarter of the year. Most people gain the most amount of weight during this holiday season, but stress on its own is never the villain. In small doses, it is really healthy and normal, but the trouble happens when we allow low buzzing stress. In challenging situations in life, obstacles, even in navigating the holiday season, that starts to bamboozle our best laid plans. Having low buzzing unchecked stress elevates your cortisol levels, and when you have elevated levels of cortisol, you are going to have physiologically in your brain ramped up, urges and cravings to go off track. This is not a personal weakness of yours. This is not a lack of discipline. This is simply body physiology in this four part mini series over the course of the next four weeks. I'm going to be breaking down the four very specific stress types. We're going to get into fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, how they are showing up for the high achieving professional woman, both in your career with your families, and absolutely through the holiday season, and how to walk from some of your habituated behaviors into brand new pattern. This four part mini series is going to leverage brain science. We're going to touch on metacognition, which is a fancy word, of becoming really aware of your thoughts, your feelings, and your behavior that lead you to bamboozle your best laid plans. And I'll end each episode with a framework to help you walk from where you are right now. Some of the maladaptive patterns and habits you have to getting unstuck in the cycle. Today we're starting with the flight response or what I like to call the escapist. I hope this miniseries will feel like a big exhale for you and really show you that you've never actually had a discipline problem. You have likely had a stress dysregulation problem, and this is why it is so essential to understand stress at the root because fundamentally, it is completely impacting your ability to hit your dream body goals. Grab your coffee, and let's dive into today's episode, which is the flight response or what I'm calling the escapist. You know that stress gets in the way, and we know this because we can look at our results both on and off the scale. You'll get that plan from your nutritionist or maybe your personal trainer. You get into a fight with your husband, you get a call from your principal about your kid, maybe your boss. Or a colleague sets an unrealistic, crazy deadline for a work project. Maybe your mother-in-law says something offhandedly that you felt hurt about, or you're so used to being a productive overachiever that you're simply feeling bored and you find yourself feeling really restless. You name it. But as a professional woman, you're living in a soup of sticky, challenging moments. And if you take a look back at the last one year. Your life challenges with the fine tooth comb with the investigator's heart, which is truly objective and blame-free. You will find that every single off plan moment that you did not do what you said you were going to do in terms of how you eat, how you're showing up with your weight loss goal is always because of an emotion. Every single time that you ate past satiety, that you snacked, nibbled, licked and tasted, when you said you wouldn't, anytime that you ate, when your gut wasn't hungry and your body did not need nutrition, was simply because you were taking a break from a real life stress. This is what is inspiring this entire series on the podcast, the four different stress types and how your brain as a human is naturally wired into these stress types. What we want to uncover in this series is that stress is actually normal. Stress is in small doses, healthy. It's what gets you out of bed in the morning. It keeps you safe when you're driving to work. It keeps you aware of real life dangers. It gets you paying your bills on time. What we want to uncover on this podcast and in this series that we're doing this four-part series is how we have allowed certain stresses to go unchecked in a way that has created some maladaptive habits that's sabotaging our weight loss goals. There are four major stress types that I'm going to be covering on the podcast in this four part series and all four of these stress types, whether you identify as one or maybe a little bit of all, we're going to uncover and really get to the bottom of how each of these stress types is specifically impacting your results on and off the scale, you might identify more with one of these stress types than others, or you might find in different phases of your life you identified with one, and then you sort of to shift into another. But what I have found in my experience is that women usually have all four of these stress types plank in their life in little and big ways. Our goal today and over the next four weeks is simply to become aware of your personal patterns, your habits that are driving you to show up. The way that you're showing up that's creating your results, on and off the scale is going to be something that you're going to feel so much more in control over when you understand where your behaviors are actually coming from just being aware of your habits and how you're showing up. Actions that you're taking in regards to your weight loss goal. Your body goal, your life goal is going to start to create a custom roadmap for you. When you understand why you do what you do, you get to have this roadmap that will help walk you out of changing those actual patterns. Today we're kicking off the series with the escapist stress type. When we think about the four different stress types, which is fight, light, freeze, and fawn, we want to first start with understanding that these four stress types are hardwired into your primitive brain as. A survival mechanism. So we have to start there. We have to first validate and normalize that stress types are normal. If you see a lion or a bear outside of your cave and your brain is not triggered to run away, we know that your survival would be threatened. Right? So we have to really first start with validating and normalizing that. Light or what I'm calling the escapist is a very, very, very natural and normal tendency. If you are someone that identifies with that pattern, and two, describe this stress. Type in a lot more detail where you can, I want you to feel like you can wrap your arms around the concept. Today we're going to be using the think, feel, act cycle. This is a framework that has literally been told, I mean, forever. It is hundreds of years old. In cultures from all around the world in a way to actually describe our behavior. It's in cognitive behavioral therapy, and basically the premise of the think, feel, act cycle is that your feelings don't just happen. Your actions don't just happen in a vacuum. They happen in response to a thought, belief or perspective that you generate in your mind. Most of the time, these thoughts and beliefs are just happening in autopilot. Thousands and thousands of thoughts per day, and if you identify as a professional overachiever, you likely have more than your fair share of thousands of these thoughts, but they are happening in the subconscious parts of your mind. The unfortunate reality is that most high achievers actually try to change their habits by just focusing on their actions, but if this worked. This would have worked, right? So an example of this is you might tell yourself, I'm not going to snack after dinner, right? We're focusing purely on the action of snacking after dinner. You might just say, no, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to be really strong. I'm going to have a plan. I'm gonna set a timer. You might have like all kinds of gimmicks to drive you to not snack or eat after dinner. You can yell at yourself all you want in your mind, grit, your teeth, muscle down, double down, push and force. But you and I both know, and we can look back at the last one year or probably the last many, many years, and ask ourselves. How well did it work to simply focus on the action, the thing, feel, act cycle is actually helping us. It's empowering us to not just look at the action line or just the behavior. What we want to do together on this podcast is actually get to the root. Why is it that we ever snack after dinner when we said we wouldn't? Why is it that we ever snack and nibble and lick and taste when our body is not actually hungry? I don't want you to just cut off some leaves off of weeds. I want you to be able to pull the weeds out at the root and when we can start to understand our behavior, all of our actions using the think, feel, act cycle as a framework, we are going to feel so much more empowered to make meaningful change that will create so many more lasting results. The other thing that we're going to really be emphasizing on today's episode is to really highlight what your brain is learning every time that you snack, nibble, taste, eat, when your brain is in an escapist stress cycle, you really want to uncover what your brain learns in that moment and why sometimes that habit of snacking or overeating when your body isn't hungry, why it feels so hard to break, as the name implies, the escapist is driven by highly uncomfortable emotions that you want to literally escape from an emotion like overwhelm, frustration, confusion, anger, embarrassment. You can pick your flavor of stress like you are in an ice cream parlor with a hundred types of ice cream. Many, many, many emotions feel uncomfortable. I mean physically uncomfortable based on what uncomfortable emotion you're experiencing. There's actually a chemical cascade in your body that is driving you to feel that emotion. You might feel your heart racing with anxiety or your hands sweat when you feel nervous. Maybe your face flushes when you are embarrassed or that pit in your stomach when you feel worry or dread. Maybe you're thinking about tomorrow's problems and you find yourself in rumination and doubt or that ache in your chest when you feel sadness or maybe your throat tighten up when you feel hurt. As I shared, there are literally hundreds of emotional flavors that I'm going to say fall under the umbrella or the category or the ice cream parlor of stress. And because your body physically experiences this discomfort, the most primitive part of your brain, remember primitive means it is not very evolved. It is hardwired for survival. It perceives a real threat. Let me just say that again. When your body experiences this physical discomfort of an emotion, your primitive brain, which is hardwired for survival, perceives a real threat. You've heard me use this example before, but your brain cannot tell the difference between a spreadsheet that fight you had with your partner or colleague, the looming deadline, the project deadline that's coming up, the worry about your kid and a deadly lion outside your cave. The key word here, though, is that your primitive brain is perceiving threat and you're not in fact in actual danger. And this is the trap. The trap is how real this perception feels. When you aren't aware of how this perception is unconsciously driving you, you are going to find yourself thinking something like, I just need to get through this phase. I can't feel this way right now. I need a break from this emotion. When this part of my life is over, then I'll get to feel better. Your brain will start to create very convenient, compelling, and convincing reasons to take a break from those very real, comfortable emotions and most often, because this is how we are driven, we'll pick the lowest effort way to take a break. Enter food and alcohol. And so when you're not aware of it, when you're unconsciously living in the escapist stress cycle, you could have the Cadillac of nutrition plans, but you'll find yourself taking a little wander into the kitchen, a little walk to the office, break room in the evenings, once the kid are in bed to snack, nibble, and eat when your gut is just not hungry. And here is what happens. Your primitive brain starts to learn that this is how it's supposed to be. Every time that you eat as a break or as an escape from your flavor of life's stress, your primitive brain gets hardwired because your actions speak louder than your words. What you do every time your body is experiencing an uncomfortable emotion is teaching your primitive brain a lesson. So when you stay in the escapist stress cycle and you keep snacking and nibbling and drinking alcohol every time to escape real life emotions, your brain learns. This uncomfortable emotions is a problem that is too much for us. Worse yet, you start to believe, I just cannot be in control around food when I feel stressed. And it's like this because, you know, I love a good analogy. It's like you've said no to your kids for having lollipops before dinner. And maybe if you're like me, you know, or like, we're not gonna do candy on the weekdays. We're not having lollipops before dinner. The answer is no. But then enter any number of life circumstances that come before your kid and they maybe feel a really big, uncomfortable feeling for who knows what reason, enter any flavor or reason, and then they throw a tantrum and just to stop the kid from tantruming because their emotions feel too big For us, we were like, fine, just have the lollipop. Stop crying. Here's what the kid learns. The kid learns that the rules don't apply when I'm having a big uncomfortable feeling because our actions speak louder than our words. When I say that my actions speak louder than my words, my kid is not learning any lessons from me because I said no. What they're actually learning is she's saying no to the lollipop, but what she means is yes. When I cry. When I have a tantrum, this is obviously just a really exaggerated example, but it's to highlight the fact that our primitive brain, and this is all of us, right? This is not just our children, this is our adult brain, is learning lessons. And the lessons we are learning are driven by actions. Any actions we take is teaching our brain a lesson. So if you've lost trust with yourself, because maybe you have had a plan for. However many Monday mornings of the past, and you haven't consistently executed or followed through on them, this is exactly why. The reason that you might have a lack of trust with yourself in following through on the plan is simply because your brain has learned from your behavior that you're not going to follow through. But the best news, and really what I want to encourage on this podcast is for you to know that this is completely changeable. So let's get into the escapist stress type and break down what's actually happening using the think, feel, act cycle and how over the past many years, we have simply learned that we need to escape certain emotions. I think about busy, high achieving working moms with work life and mom life. You might have had the thought after a really busy day, after a really busy week, after a really busy season of your life. I just need a break. Can we just take a second? How many of us have thought that if you're driving you can just like give a vehement nod? I know that for me, I'm raising my hand. I have absolutely thought so many times. I need a break now. Let's just use that thought, that sentence that we tell ourselves as our example. Maybe you've had a really long workday, you've dealt with some tough conversations in the. Place with a colleague or boss. Maybe you have a client or a patient who was really challenging and then you come home and now you're navigating life with your family, chauffeuring the kids around, handling homework, thinking about your aging parents, handling family and work dynamics. The list goes on and on and on. It's not at all a surprise that given the course of your day, you have had all kinds of emotions that you have had to navigate through, and at a very subconscious level, which means you're not actively aware of it. Until this episode, you will have the thought, I need a break. And when you think that sentence in your mind, I need a break, here's what happens. Two neurons in your brain fire. Every time you have a sentence like that in your mind, two neurons fire and it releases a chemical cascade in your body. Generating an emotion, an emotion like an urge. You'll feel that feeling where you feel compelled to take an action. An action like going and pouring a glass of wine, meandering into the pantry, grabbing a couple of cookies or chips. This is the think, feel, act cycle. So the thought is, I need a break. The feeling is an urge, and the actions that you're taking are driving you to snack and nibble and grab a glass of wine. Now here's the gem. Your brain has simply learned a habit. It's learned that certain emotions are too much for you, and the more that we perpetuate our fear of these emotions, that they're too much for us, that they're too big for us, that we can't handle them, we start to take more and more escapist behaviors. Now, there are two things. The more that we escape from our big, uncomfortable emotions with snacking, nibbling, drinking, alcohol, even scrolling your phone to escape emotion, there are two things. That we are not doing the first one. Every time we go grab the wine, grab the chips, nibble on the food snack, and scroll through our phone. The first thing that we are not doing is we are never challenging our thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives. That's actually creating the flavor of stress that you're in. Any of these stress feelings that you have. In the workplace or in your mom life, we get to unravel them. And in coaching we challenge the thoughts at the root. This is why we burn stress at the root so that you feel more empowered in your life. So the first thing that we are not doing every time we snack and nibble, we are not challenging our thoughts and beliefs, creating our feeling of stress. But the second equally important thing that we are not doing every time we snack and nibble in response to escape from life stress is we are not recognizing and validating the big, uncomfortable emotions as normal. Feeling disappointed and embarrassed, rejected, angry, sad, frustrated, discouraged, worried, is normal. And in fact, our brain, every time we escape from these emotions, every time we think we need a break from one of these emotions, our primitive brain simply learns I can be rewarded with food and alcohol. This is often why you might find yourself keeping stress patterns and keeping certain thoughts that are keeping you in this stress cycle. It's because your primitive brain is saying, whenever I have a tantrum, I'm going to get rewarded with the lollipop. Now, if you are someone. Because I was like this too. If you have not been recognizing and validating those big, uncomfortable emotions. Don't worry, you're not alone. Big reason for this is that we are literally not taught this skill. I can remember so many memories from my youngest years where I would come home maybe feeling alone, like I had no friends or disappointed in my grades. Or worried about trying out for some sports team or getting into college or medical school, maybe embarrassed about something around, you know, somebody not showing up to my party or not getting invited to something. I would have a big uncomfortable emotion. And as a young person, the solution that I learned that I think many of us learned is just try harder just do more, be funnier, work smarter, study harder. So we learn that the solution is to just try harder. But the truth is being a human with some overachieving tendencies, that is just not reality. It's messy being human. It's messy. Listen, going into the ice cream shop and having flavors of frustration and overwhelm and worry is messy. And if you're anything like me, I love to feel in control. I love to feel confident and certainty, and I love to feel those really positive, good feelings. Motivation, I love motivation, excitement. I love excitement. Joy, fun. I love, love, love, feeling good because I know when I feel those emotions, I'm driven to show up in a very different way. We want to, at the same time, walk the really fine and nuanced line that when we are not feeling those emotions, when we're feeling not motivated, when we're feeling down and discouraged and frustrated and overwhelmed, that nothing is actually going wrong. We're just experiencing the very normal 50% of our life that feels a little bit messy, and the way to feel those big, uncomfortable, messy emotions. To navigate those sticky, stressful feelings. In a way that actually gets us to our goal that stops us from sabotaging our dream body wins is to create safety, to feel anything. If you identify as the escapist stress type, here's what to do. I'm going to call this A, B, C, D. I'm gonna get into what each of these letters mean, but I want you to imagine it like you're walking across a bridge. We want to walk you from experiencing a big, uncomfortable emotion that you're feeling that has driven you to escape. And instead of escaping, we're going to do something different where you can walk to the other side without escaping, walk yourself through the experience so you stop sabotaging your goals. On and off the scale. A is awareness, B is breathing, C is courage, and D is do it anyway. Let me get into each of these in a little bit more detail. A becoming aware, becoming aware of that big, uncomfortable emotion and actually naming it is going to actually take you out of being unconscious and almost wake you up. Research has shown that simply naming your emotion and identifying it in real time decreases stress signals in your amygdala, which is the part of your brain that's responsible for. Fear for anger, for a lot of your emotions. Just naming your emotion in real time will take you out of that unconscious way of being that autopilot mode, and it will wake you up. It's going to make you conscious and put you into manual. The next step in the bridge is be for Breathe. I'm using Breathe because I simply want to encourage you and invite you to take a pause. It can be any grounding action that pauses you from taking action. We want to introduce a space between you feeling your flavor of life stress to automatically in autopilot mode, me and during the pantry grabbing the glass of wine, snacking and nibbling on food. So instead of you feel stress, you go grab the back of chips. Now we want to. Remember, A, this is stress. We're gonna name it. Become aware. This is me feeling stress. And B, take a pause, take a beat, take a breath, take a few, maybe go for a walk outside, look outside B with nature for just a few moments, and introduce a pause so that you have some space before you take action. C is courage. This is the one that is literally going to game change everything for you on and off the scale. I invite you to practice. Feeling courage. When you are facing fear or worry or frustration, you have to actually show yourself that you're not in real danger, that you're safe, that this is just an emotion and we can practice feeling courage to allow ourselves to feel and face those emotions, and then d, do it anyway. When I say do it anyway, I mean, put in the reps, do your plan. If you decided in advance, I'm not going to snack and nibble and graze between my meals, I'm not gonna snack, nibble and graze after dinner. Follow your plan like you said you would when you've done parts A, B, and C. When you have become aware of your emotions, when you have introduced a pause with breathing, when you're catching that feeling of courage for yourself, you will now realize that there is no emergency that's driving you to the bag of chips or to the glass of alcohol. You can actually pause and recognize if you're safe, you're okay. Nothing is going wrong. You can stick to your plan without snacking, nibbling, and grazing the key with being able to do D. This is how you're able to follow through on your plan without will powering and muscling down and grinding your teeth is because you have done steps A, B, and C. So all four of these work together for you to walk yourself through a big uncomfortable emotion to create safety, that you don't have to escape these big feelings anymore, and in fact, you're safe to allow them and take your actions and follow through anyway. So in summary, thinking that you need a break every time you feel a big uncomfortable emotion has created some unintentional outcomes. It has taught us that big uncomfortable emotions are too big to handle, and we've never challenged the thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives that are creating those stress cycles to begin with. When we stay in the escapist stress type, instead of feeling more resilient, we end up feeling less in control. And on and on and on the cycle continues. You'll notice that it doesn't matter whether you have that amazing plan from your nutritionist or the amazing plan from your personal trainer or whatever you downloaded off the internet. That plan will collect dust in a drawer if we are escaping. Big, uncomfortable emotions. And I wanna place a caveat here. When I say big, uncomfortable emotions. Sometimes you might simply be escaping boredom. So by big and uncomfortable, it doesn't have to be really intense, an emotion like grief or anger. It could be something really small. Maybe you just hate feeling bored. And you get restless and you want to escape that feeling as well. The solution to the escapist stress cycle is the ABCD bridge. Become aware in real time. Catch it and name the emotion that you're experiencing. Breathe. Introduce a pause, see, practice feeling, courage. Show yourself that you're a safe, that you're a badass. That has literally figured out. Everything up until now in your life, you can figure this one out too. And D, stick with your plan. Do it anyway. Your brain is constantly learning from the actions that you're taking, and it is also as we have uncovered on this episode, learning from your. Inactions. It has learned everything up until this point, which means it is also possible to retrain your brain with new behavior, and the best news is that you can do this without doubling down and gritting your teeth and muscling through your plan.

  If you enjoyed today's episode and if you are resonating with the escapist stress type, then I want to hear from you. Drop me a message over on Instagram at Burn Stress Lose weight. Or send me an email [email protected] and share with me if you identify as the escapist stress type. If you stopped escaping from it and you practiced the ABCD bridge, I want to hear from you what would be the impact for you on the scale. I hope you all love today's episode, and I will see you next week where we talk about. The fight stress type or what I like to call the advocate. If you have ever felt a little righteous, a little entitled, you have those, I deserve it thoughts like I'm working so hard and I deserve. Enter your flavor of food and alcohol. You're going to wanna tune into next week's episode. This is the first of four episodes that I'm bringing back to this podcast, and it is an essential element of you achieving your wildest dreams if you notice yourself having a plan, but then escaping the plan in small, tiny moments. I promise you this is not a personal discipline problem. It is usually a stress dysregulation problem. When your body is experiencing chronic stress of elevated levels of cortisol all the time, this physiologically in your body will ramp up, urge and cravings to take breaks. Snacking and scrolling becomes the quickest and easiest way to take a break from the stress you're experiencing. And when we escape stress rather than address it at the root or teach our body how to experience an emotion and build our discomfort tolerance, we end up sabotaging some of our biggest dreams. And if you know that telling yourself to stress less is not working, then this is going to be your work. I hope you enjoy today's podcast episode and I cannot wait for you to go and check out our brand new unveiling over at burnstressloseweight.com this week. And I'm so glad that you're here for the ride. Thanks for spending this time with me on the Burn Stress, Lose Weight podcast today. I hope that you are leaving today's podcast episode feeling a little lighter and more inspired than when we started. It turns out that you don't need to have a stress-free life to hit your goals on and off the scale, but when you feel more empowered to respond to your real life stresses with true strategy, we will game change how we show up and how we hit our goals. If you wanna take what you are learning here on the podcast and put it into real life implementation, it might be time for us to work together in the Burn Stress, Lose Weight, Feel Unstoppable group coaching program. Head over to burnstressloseweight.com, and you can get all of the details, the nuts, the bolts, when the next group is starting, and exactly how you can join. Okay, friend, I'll see you next time. Thanks for spending this time with me on Burn Stress, Lose Weight. This podcast has seriously been one of my most favorite parts of sharing story, strategy, and science with professional women who as overachievers. I hope that you're walking away from today's podcast episode feeling a little more full of possibility. I promise that you don't need perfect circumstances in your life to feel unstoppable inside out for you to achieve that body goal that would help you feel your best. And with the right strategy and support getting there is inevitable. This four part series really touches the heart of what gets in the way for overachieving women to achieve their weighted loss goals. So glad to be sharing it with you. I have also been teasing a project that I have been working on now for many, many months. I'm going to be sharing some behind the scenes of this project over on Instagram. So if you are not yet following me, head over to at Burn Stress, Lose Weight over on Instagram so you can get a hint of exactly what's coming, Burn Stress, Lose Weight has a new chapter on the horizon over the next few days or a few weeks, depending on when you're listening to this episode. And I cannot wait to share this bold vision that we have for our mission moving forward. If you enjoyed this episode and you're loving this series, share this episode with a friend, and if you can take a moment to leave our rating and review, I would be so grateful. Come meet me over on Instagram, take a look at the sneak peek so you get a little idea of exactly what's coming, and I will see you in next week's episode. Bye my unstoppable friend.