Summary 

Join me on a refreshing walk and talk episode of the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast, where I dive deep into the critical difference between relaxing and numbing. I’m sharing my personal journey and practical insights, so you'll discover how to create true rest and relaxation in your life, which is essential for achieving your weight loss goals and overall well-being. Get ready to redefine your approach to self-care and break free from habits that sabotage your progress.

Be sure to check out my private podcast and discover the steps to burn stress + fat for lasting weight loss here: https://www.theunstoppablemombrain.com/bodyreset

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• Explore the true definition of relaxing vs. numbing activities
• Learn why planning guilt-free rest is a productivity and weight loss hack
• Understand the impact of low-level stress on your body and fat storage
• Discover the importance of building an arsenal of alternative restful activities
• Gain practical steps to integrate genuine relaxation into your daily routine

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Featured on the Show:

• Want to work with me? Learn about The Unstoppable Group by clicking here.
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Download the full transcript here.

• ey, this is Dr. Priyanka Venugopal, and you're listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. The difference between relaxing and numbing. I am on a little walk and talk. I'm actually on a trail, so I don't think you're going to hear any cars, which is nice. So you might hear some birds and the wind behind me. It's not a very windy day, but I know that that can really mess up the audio for our podcast here. So I'm really trying to be mindful of that. At the same time, I really do love doing, These walk and talk podcasts when I'm feeling just particularly inspired and to really just share when something is really relevant, something that I've noticed coming up for me or for my clients. And I know that it's going to help all of you. I sometimes just want to record right in that moment when it's fresh in my mind and I can just feel the creative energy just vibing. So without further ado, let's just get into today's podcast episode on how you can really start moving the needle with losing the weight you want. When you can pick up the difference between relaxing and numbing. Let's get into it. If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body, you need to have simplicity, joy, and strategic decisions infused into your life. I'm a physician turned life and weight loss coach for ambitious working moms. I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points. Calories or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and in my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you. Ready? Let's get to it. Where I share my personal story for what brought this to my attention. I wanna first talk through what's the difference between. relaxing and numbing. I think it's so important that we define this first before we get into the episode because then you'll get to really take a fine tooth comb through some of your tendencies, some of your habits that you might want to reassess.

  So to start, the way that I think about relaxing versus numbing is when I'm doing something that is truly relaxing, I don't ever have net negative outcomes. I don't feel regret. After the activity, I don't feel like I have sabotaged any part of my life, any part of my, my personal body goals. I truly feel rested after the relaxing activity, and I have nothing to quote unquote undo. Numbing, on the other hand, is an exciting experience where I will engage with an activity to shut down, take a break, distract myself from real life obstacles and stresses. That's creating a net negative outcome. I might be feeling less rested at the end of the activity. It might get in the way of proper high quality sleep. Maybe it's sabotages my personal body goals. I mean, I want you to think about for yourself, what are these activities that in the moment. feel like you're getting a break from your life, from real life stresses, real life obstacles. And at the same time, at the end of the activity, you're not actually more rested. You've actually undone your wins. You've actually created more problems for yourself than you had to start. And I also want to add one, one thing to this. Numbing activities are usually the lowest effort option. I think of these as like the lowest hanging fruit. And our brains are very naturally designed to want to pick the lowest effort option. So why is it that smart, high achieving women who are seriously brilliant at solving problems in so many areas really struggle with this? I want to just like walk us through why is this even a problem? It's because Our brains developed the habit of snacking, nibbling, drinking, and scrolling as that lowest effort, low hanging fruit option when we were experiencing real life stresses. This did not start yesterday. This is the key thing to note. This likely started years ago, decades ago. That habit when you're experiencing a life obstacle, a life stress, something that is challenging for you and your brain just wanted a break. It was either modeled to you, you saw it in the movies, you saw it with the big person in your life, you, I mean this is again socially acceptable to eat and drink through stresses. It's a socially acceptable activity so it's, it makes no, it's not, not a surprise. That we simply developed habits. to snack and nibble and drink our way through stresses. So if you've ever heard yourself say on a Friday night, I just deserve a break, right? I know that I used to think this all the time. I would be at the hospital. I would have overnight shifts and calls and delivering babies. And I would have this amazing on paper plan of like, How we're supposed to eat Monday through Friday and then of course the weekend and then Friday night would come and I would just plop down on the couch. I call this my evening plop down with my nachos, Cool Ranch Doritos, and my glass of wine because I had not trained my brain to understand that there were actually better alternatives. In my mind, I wanted more. Quick relief. I wanted a break from the stresses I was experiencing. I knew, I knew that I deserved a break, but I had not planned for it properly. I was winging it. I was winging my rest. I was winging my relaxation. And this is why our brain will steal it. I have learned this in my own personal journey, having lost 60 pounds and what I see with hygiene women in the unstoppable group. If you don't plan in for proper guilt free rest, actual play and pleasure, where you're giving your brain a break, Your brain is very smart. She will steal it. If you find yourself having urges and cravings in the evenings, every Friday night, every Saturday, these compelling, I deserve it thoughts, I wanted thoughts, Oh, it's going to be so good thoughts.

  The first question that I have for you is, have you been properly planning in guilt free rest and play? We don't realize that rest and play is not only a productivity hack. It is a weight loss hack. You're taxing your brain. All the time. You're expecting yourself to answer complicated questions, navigate problems, both in the workplace and at home. If you really think about it and take inventory of your last week, take inventory of your last month, the last 90 days, ask yourself, how often are you feeling relaxed, celebrating wins, feeling just calm and chill? And what percent of the time are you not? What percent of the time are you navigating problems? Handling challenges, trying to overcome like a life problem. I would say for most high achieving women across the board, you're spending 5% of your time celebrating wins and 95% of your time navigating obstacles. And this is normal for the high achieving woman who has big growth goals, who wants to do a lot, this is all normal. However, relaxing your brain continuously without purposeful breaks will create a fatigued brain. You'll know this is you if you are feeling irritable and grumpy all the time. If you started to feel resentful of your list of tasks, your list of responsibilities. If you find yourself not able to focus at the task in front of you, you find your mind constantly wandering. This is what actually makes us take longer to complete our work, right? This is, I cannot tell you how often I remember I was sharing this example in a group coaching call that I was guesting in recently where I would, I had to study for oral board exams. I had a hundred million chapters, what felt like a hundred, so many chapters, practice bulletins to read. And I was feeling really stressed. I planned to zero rest, zero play into my very beautiful calendar. And Friday night would come and I would like, I had chapters on my schedule to read. After working a whole week on labor and delivery and in the office, I'd get home and I would try to sit down to read that chapter. And my mind, because I had not built in rest or play or given myself a proper break, I would read the chapter, but I didn't actually read it. I would have to go back and read it again. You know how terrible that is for some women and working moms who already feel tight on time? Literally every Friday and Saturday that I had planned again, I just skipped over the need for rest and relaxation and play because I just needed to be productive because I had to get this done because I had to pass oral boards. Like you can hear the story, very dramatic story that I had in my mind because I didn't plan in proper guilt free rest. By the way, guilt free is the key. My brain would steal it. So what would happen on Friday night, despite my best intentions, despite being a very disciplined person who hits goals in other parts of my life, I would be disciplined to show up to labor and delivery at 7am. I'd be disciplined to go in for a 2AM delivery. Like, we are disciplined people. Why is it that I wasn't able to take that discipline and translate it into my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night food plans? The way that I was eating is because my brain was stealing breaks because I did not account for it. So, Friday night will come along and I'm supposed to read chapter one of Tillens or, you know, the endometriosis practice bulletin and my brain We are not doing that. Priyanka, go grab the chips, get a glass of wine, pop the movie on, let's just check out. And every time that I did this, every Friday or Saturday that I didn't do what I said I was going to do, there's a couple of things that happened. I talked about this on the podcast already, but number one, and the worst part about this is I chipped away at Self trust. I chipped away at believing that I was going to do what I said I was going to do. Number one, chipped away at my trust. Number two, when I would watch the movie with my, you know, Cool Ranch Dorito night and like glass of wine. Yeah, I felt like I got a break, but in the back of my mind, I felt guilty. Like I'm supposed to be reading this chapter, I'm falling further behind. So it wasn't true, true, true rest. I left that activity, number one, having sabotaged and gotten further behind on my study schedule. Number two, I sabotaged my weight loss goals. It's part of the reason that I gained so much weight while studying for oral boards. And number three, I wasn't actually even enjoying the experience. I was kind of watching the movie, but in the back of my mind, I was like, Oh, I should be studying. If I'm describing something similar to what you have experienced, you're not alone. I see this across the board with every in every industry with high achieving women and there are some common reasons for it. Number one, most importantly, I have found that a lot of high achievers who are so addicted to productivity, to working hard, to being efficient, to wanting to get the gold star, to wanting to be, get more tasks done. We have thought that rest and proper guilt free relaxation is indulgent. There's a flavor of us that feels like, oh, like I should be doing something right now. I should be doing something productive right now. So number one, your brain does not know this is serious. Your brain does not actually know how to rest and relax without feeling guilt.

  Number two, because we have been hardwired to just grab snacks, grab alcohol, scroll our phones. We haven't done the work of actually building out an arsenal of alternative activities that create true rest. And number three, we haven't actually put rest, relaxation, guilt free into the structure of our life, into the structure of our calendar. We try to wing it. We think, let me first get this done when I'm done with this task, then I will have earned my rest. This is arrival fallacy at its finest. If you're unfamiliar arrival fallacy is this belief. It's this false belief that when Fill in the blank, right? When I'm done with this list of to do's, when I have finished these chapters, when I have finished this project, then I will feel relaxed enough to truly relax. Like then I can take care of myself. When? Then. The trouble is if you've signed up for the life of a high achieving professional working mom, which I guess you are because you're listening to this podcast. There is no such thing. The list of when, the list of your tasks, your responsibilities, your work, your to dos is ever growing. So you never get to the when, which perpetually keeps your rest and relaxation on hold. It keeps it hostage. This is why we have to plan for it properly in advance. Inside the Unstoppable group, I teach my clients something called the Three Bucket System, which is designed to really push your brain to think of alternative, actually restful, relaxing, guilt free, pleasurable activities that will give your brain and body a break. Proper rest where you feel better at the end of the activity. I want you to just imagine the impact of that. If you felt more rested, more taken care of, and it wasn't something that you had to earn, it was just on your calendar, do you know the impact of how much more focused and productive you would be during your workday? That moment that comes, you're like, I just deserve a break. You actually have a real answer, which is like, hey, don't worry. Our rest is on the calendar. We're actually going to take care of ourselves. Don't worry. The urges and cravings that you have to randomly snack and nibble on crap food will immediately go down. I always tell my clients this, and I want to say this here. If you have an urge or craving to snack and nibble when your body is not actually hungry, it is simply a siren song. It's a little indicator light. It's like if you're driving a car, a gas car, and the indicator light's going off because your gas tank is on empty. I want you to start thinking about urges and cravings. Like that. They're not a problem, ever. They're normal. They're your brain trying to signal to get your attention. Like, hey, we haven't had a break in a while. Hey, we'd like some rest. Hey, we would really like to be taken care of. We'd like to not push through this. Can you pay attention? And if you don't, I promise you, my friends, if we don't pay attention to those urges and cravings, like the indicator light in a gas car, your brain will steal it from you. Your car will stop, right? You will stop being able to get anywhere. It's going to undo so many wins. So let me just share that story that I mentioned at the start of today's podcast episode, how this kind of came to mind, the difference between relaxing and numbing as it pertains to me and what I've seen again with my clients. I was in a period, like in a season where I was seriously overworking. Like somebody objective would be like, wow, Priyanka, you're like need to relax. I was really overworking. I was trying to squeeze in a lot of work. into short periods of time because my kids are in camp and their camp hours are very, are much shorter than their school hours. So I found myself really hustling and overworking. And in the evenings when my kids would go to bed, I just wanted a break, right? That feeling, I just want a break. I want to do my plop down. And I noticed myself feeling like just my cup of hot tea and like my show on Netflix didn't feel like enough. Have you ever had that feeling where you're like, that's just not enough. I need more. I need more of a break. I noticed this intense desire, this very strong urge to crack open a bottle of wine, to make my fiesta popcorn and plop down with a movie on a weekday, by the way. And I would just ask, I was trying to figure out, this was like after the fact, I was trying to think about like, what was it? Like, why did I have such a strong desire to do that? Like, usually my cup of hot tea, My one show on Netflix or like reading like a really awesome book is plenty for me to relax. Why is it that I really wanted this? And I realized it's because I had been ignoring getting proper rest. I had been overworking so much. I had been sleeping late. I've been waking up early because of the kids. I just been going a hundred miles an hour all day. that I had just forgotten to prioritize my actual rest. And so it's no surprise now that I think about it, my brain's like, girl, we need a break. And instead of just being able to go back to my hot tea and my Netflix show, my brain was like, no, no, no, we need something more.

  We need to numb out. That desire to numb out came because my stress had reached a certain threshold. Just having a cup of tea didn't feel like enough. I needed to check out. I needed to numb out. And so now I know moving forward, whenever I am in that, scenario when I have that strong desire, that strong urge, a strong craving to numb out. And you'll notice the difference because you get to ask yourself, is this activity going to be more restful or is this activity going to take away my long term rest? Is this sabotaging my goals? Right? We get to just ask ourselves, is this restful or is this numbing? Now I know whenever that happens for me, it is simply because I ignored Scheduling and rest. That's all that has happened. This is simply a siren song for me to take some inventory. There's one other thing i'm going to say about why it is essential if you want to lose weight burn fat Why this is such an essential part of the strategy to build in guilt free rest and relaxation to the structure of your life When you have perpetually low buzzing feelings of stress all the time, like low buzzing all the time, little bits in like just the background of your life, your body is releasing cortisol all the time. Cortisol is a stress hormone that stores fat. Your brain can't tell the difference between a lion and a spreadsheet. It can't tell the difference between your safety being threatened and your laundry and, you know, the random tasks on your to do list. So when our body is constantly in a state of stress, not getting proper breaks, not getting a break from cortisol, we are going to create. So much hardship for our body to release fat because physiologically our brain and our body is like, nope, now's not the time for that. Not only is building in guilt free rest and relaxation going to help you stop stealing it, help you stop sabotaging your wins, make you more focused when you are working, like actually rest your brain so you feel better, it is physiologically going to help you burn fat. So if you are wondering what is some practical steps that you can take starting today that can really start to move the needle for you to give yourself like actual breaks. So when you hear yourself being like, we deserve a break, don't fight that. You do deserve a break. You're working really hard. We really want to have a strategy in place. So the very first thing that I recommend you start doing is taking inventory, reflect back on the last seven days, the last month, the last 90 days, have you been actually creating? Rest or have you been numbing out? Be honest. Be objective. Don't judge yourself. Don't blame yourself. This is normal, right? That's why you're here. You're here to learn these concepts. Just ask yourself, have I been taking a break or have I been numbing out? Do I want to keep doing that? I would guess you're here because you don't want to keep numbing out. You want to learn how to actually properly rest your body. The second step is to really build out an arsenal of alternatives. What are all really push yourself. It was so fascinating in the Unstoppable group. We did this exercise where you have to build out your three buckets, like a whole process that I take my clients through and. People are, wait, what else do we do? We're so used to working and coming home and handling the kids and then maybe watching a TV show and like maybe eating that we have forgotten how to have fun and have hobbies and things outside of work and home. So this is really an exercise to push you to ask yourself, what do I love? What would I enjoy? What would be some simple things that I can introduce into the rituals of my life? That would be purposefully restful. That would feel good for my brain and for my body. Actually build out an arsenal of these activities.

  There is one caveat to everything that I'm sharing and that is having this arsenal of other activities might take some effort. It might take a little bit more effort to put your sneakers on and go for a walk outside and listen to music. Because it's easier to grab the bag of chips and pour the glass of wine. It is easier. It is the lowest effort, lowest hanging fruit option, but it is also sabotaging your life. It is not making you feel more rested. It is undoing your weight loss wins. So we have to actually come into what I'm talking about today, mindful of the fact that these other alternatives. Having a hot cup of tea, going for a walk outside, reading a book, going to sleep early, picking up a hobby, learning how to crochet, right, YouTubing something new, like learning how to do a new skill is going to take a little bit of attention, a little bit more effort than just grabbing the bag of chips. And we have to do the work of proving to our brain why we are so worth it. And the last step is actually put these on your calendar. Build this into the structure of your life where you're not winging guilt free rest. You're not winging pleasure or play. It's on your calendar. So when you hear your brain saying we deserve a break and you find your like desire to walk by the break room to grab something from the vending machine. To, like, go open up the bottle of wine, to just grab the bag of chips. When you notice that desire, just remember it's a simple habit, because your brain is used to not being taken care of. Your brain is used to not getting proper rest. You have to actually respond to your brain in that moment. You have to say something like, Don't worry, it's on the calendar now. I promise we're actually going to do it and you have to actually follow through. If you want to build trust back with yourself, it comes by putting yourself on your calendar and then actually following through no matter what. One of the most disconcerting things when clients first come to work with me in the unstoppable group is this idea that it's possible to burn fat, burn stress, drop drama to lose the weight you want while having more fun, while feeling more rested, while feeling more satisfied. And that, that makes sense to me because you've kind of come into your weight loss journey for years and years with this very deprivation filled, restriction filled, terrible experience. Right? It makes a lot of sense to me. And also if that way worked, if the terrible way of weight loss, where you're having no fun, no satisfaction and no rest worked, it would have worked, which means we have to make a change. So I hope I made a compelling argument today on the podcast. That scheduling in, not winging, guilt free rest, pleasure and play in a way that feels truly restive is going to be how you lose weight more efficiently, more effectively, how you burn fat more consistently. And there's actual strategy to this. I actually get into this in a lot more detail in episode three of my private podcast. If you have not yet grabbed that, head over to theunstoppablemombrain.com/bodyreset. It's six episodes exclusively available only on the private podcast. And I'm going to talk about urges and cravings in more detail on that podcast episodes. If you have not gotten it yet, go grab it. Now I will meet you in your email inbox with the private URL to get it. And I will see you guys all next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain. If you want more resources or information from the show, head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com.