Summary 

In this captivating episode, I am joined by my mentor and master certified coach, Bev Aron, to dive into the transformative concepts of emotional frequency and deep dive coaching. Bev shares her unique insights on how low and high-frequency emotions affect our lives and relationships, and she provides strategic steps for recognizing and managing these feelings. With years of experience, Bev has developed a profound approach to coaching that goes beyond the surface, addressing the root causes of emotional patterns. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone looking to understand their emotions better and achieve a more fulfilling life.

Bev Aron is the founder of the Deep Dive Coach™ Institute, which is dedicated to advancing the practice of coaching and personal growth by teaching people how to bring peace to their inner lives so that they bring peace to their outer worlds and relationships. She offers a Monthly Deep Dive Learning series for anyone who is interested in deep personal growth and an Advanced Deep Dive Coach certification, as well as limited private coaching packages.

Bev’s Links:

Join her email + monthly video list: https://bevaron.com/ 

YouTube Video mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YAru1YQ2eQ 

Be sure to check out my private podcast and discover the steps to burn stress + fat for lasting weight loss here: https://www.theunstoppablemombrain.com/bodyreset

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• The concept of low-frequency and high-frequency emotions.
• How our emotions can create or alleviate destruction in our lives.
• Bev's transition from intellectual coaching to somatic and relational neurobiology.
• Real-life examples of emotional reactions and their consequences.
• Techniques for self-soothing and emotional management in high-pressure situations.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Featured on the Show:

• Want to work with me? Learn about The Unstoppable Group by clicking here.
• Get access to my new private podcast by clicking here. 

• Join Bev's email + monthly video list: https://bevaron.com/ 

•  YouTube Video mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YAru1YQ2eQ

Download the full transcript here.

• Priyanka Venugopal: Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast today. I am joined by master certified coach, Bev Aron. She has not just been my coach and a mentor to me. She is someone that I did advanced certified training with. She is someone who not just trains coaches and teaches them how to be better coaches. She even trains and certifies master coaches in their craft. And in her experience, she's been coaching for years. She has really developed a very unique way of coaching, not only her clients, but how she teaches. Coaching two coaches. I reached out to her about a year ago after she shared a concept in one of her amazing emails around feelings, having low frequency and high frequency feelings and how certain emotions can create a lot of destruction in our life. The way that she shared this concept, I just knew that I wanted to bring it to the podcast. Bev is going to be teaching this concept of low frequency and high frequency emotions, why they really are a problem and also strategic steps for how you can start to turn this around, how you can start to become aware of these tendencies. And if you find that it has really wreaked some havoc in your life, I want you to know that's not a problem. It is all turnaroundable. So without further ado, let's get into my conversation with someone who I deeply love, respect, and absolutely adore Bev Aron. If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body, you need to have simplicity, joy, and strategic decisions infused into your life. I'm a physician turned life and weightless coach for ambitious working moms. I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points, calories, or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and in my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you. Ready? Let's get to it. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the podcast to say that I am excited. Is just a little bit of an understatement. I am joined today on the podcast by my coach, my mentor, the person that I really, I feel I look up to the most in the coaching community. This is Bev Aron. I'm going to have her introduce herself. This is going to be such a good episode for all of you, but truly, I feel like my life. I've shared this with you as well offline, but I really feel like my life has just taken a different, we've taken a couple of turns and I really am grateful to you for that and for the coaching and the mentorship that you have given me and the skills that I learned from you. So tell us a little bit about you. How did you go from being Number one, just not only just a superstar coach in the coaching community, but how did you become a deep dive coach? And why is that important to you? Because it's very important to me. 

  Bev Aron: Oh, thank you for that introduction. So beautiful. So, okay when I started being a coach, I was very, very excited about the idea that our thoughts create our reality. And, you know, you can think anything you want, very intellectual cerebral kind of exercise, which is exciting to me because it was like 12 years ago and I was kind of quite academic and intellectual and I loved piecing together. Things like little puzzles and then about eight years ago, and I got really good at that. It was like really fun, but eight years ago, I experienced a major crisis in my life. Essentially the way that it felt, it was like I was on sort of solid ground. And then I was in free fall. And, and everything just became not what I knew before. And the healing process for me and the recovery process involved a lot of bodily processing, you know, what people call somatic processing. And I realized then that's where truth is. And then, you know, as I've been learning, as you know, the time all about relational neurobiology and all the different fields of basically how our brains work in relation to other people and in relation to the world. And so I, I added that in. That's the deep dive process, which I think really enhances our coaching, enhances our awareness. Because, like I was and like you are, and I'm sure many listeners are really good at manipulating words, it doesn't always land for us. It doesn't change our lives, it doesn't change how we see the world, doesn't change our experience. Because our memories and our true beliefs are often stuck in our bodies. And so that's where we go in order to truly heal and truly experience the world in a, in a way that just feels more aligned with who we are. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: I love that. This is exactly correct. So whenever somebody discovers. Coaching and this idea that our thoughts are creating our results. I think that first of all, it was very intoxicating for me. I mean, before coaching, I had this idea, I'm just who I am. This is just how I think. And I did feel very stuck in a lot of my results and I didn't feel like I had control over them. So the discovery that, oh, wait, my thoughts are creating my results was very I mean, it just pulled me right in, but I remember, I think I was, must've been a year into coaching. I had already gotten certified as a life coach. I watched you coaching someone. It was in a group coaching call and I was immediately drawn to your style of coaching. It's next level. And somehow you were able to, in that coaching experience, you weren't just coaching on the. thoughts that the person was having, you were getting behind it or almost like under like the underbelly of their belief structure. And you got to the root of where a lot of their beliefs had been coming from. Yes. I remember just thinking like, who is this amazing human? I discovered you're a master certified coach and so well known in this community. And that was when I decided I need to work with you and become a deep dive coach. What's the impact of getting to like deep dive coaching? 

  Bev Aron: So the impact is that whatever we're storing is influencing how we feel all the time. It influences how we respond. It influences how we think about ourselves, what goals we can dream and just how we feel when we wake up in the morning. And the, on the other side of doing the work of discovering and releasing is We literally are changed without having to sort of effort the thinking. An example will be, we'll have a, we'll remember something, but we won't feel that, you know, that upset or that shame that we used to be like, Oh yeah, that happened. Or a client will come back and tell me a story. They'll say this happened. And then they said this, and I said this, and I said this, and I'm like, Wait a minute, you're just telling this as if it was just a thing as opposed to something that before would have really upset you and then you would have had to work through and, you know, yell and scream and cry. So that's why it's important because once we really release what's stuck, then we flow through the world in a way that is so much more who we supposed to be and our impact is greater, our enjoyment is greater. Then you are a deep dive coach, Priyanka. You, you are amazing at doing this now. So we will make sure that, you know, you take some credit too.

  Priyanka Venugopal: So you and me, we coached a lot on me as a mom, on my son, on my, you know, my desires for him, how I want him to just, you know, be this bird that flies so high. And you really coached me. Not just tenderly, but also very pointedly, very, like, you know, there was like some really strong coaching where I had to acknowledge where is some of my own past experiences of me as a child coming up here. And I think that, yeah, getting to experience a somatic like release of where is this even coming from? Why am I putting on my son something that I experienced that was very liberating. 

  Bev Aron: Mm. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: And I think that that's where I was like, oh, I just feel like such a different, I feel like a different mom just because of that coaching.

  Bev Aron: Right. And if we do it like talking, whether it's in therapy or coaching, and we go through the past, we're like, Oh, I understand this. It doesn't release it. We just understand it. And then maybe we were even more angry at our parents than we were, but it doesn't enable us to create a different, to really cut that generational change and create a different experience. Whereas when we go in and find it in our body and release it with so much love and acceptance, then we're changed. Then we're liberated. From it is the word that you use. Absolutely. 

   

  Priyanka Venugopal: You feel lighter. Like I don't have to hold this anymore. I think it's almost like I didn't realize I was holding such a heavy weight in my arms all the time. I just like felt like this is just how I am or who I am. And I think this is like, Oh, I'm holding this really heavy weight that I could actually put down. So let's just talk about why did I basically hound you for the last year to have you on this podcast? There was There was literally, guys, friends, listen, I have been messaging Bev, getting, talking to her team, how can we get Bev on the podcast? Because a year ago, it was June of 2023, you sent out one of your monthly value emails where you have a video and you share or teach a concept. And I always watch your videos because they're just full of such gems and so much, like, always dripping value as you always do. And you shared. A concept that you created that I would love for you to describe that centered around finding feelings, finding feelings first and the impact of this skill set. So do you want to describe what, what we, what you shared and then we'll, we'll just get into it. 

  Bev Aron: So I've been coaching for 12 years and really very actively. So I start to see patterns and a pattern that I started to notice that I hadn't seen talked about is very often a client will bring us anger, fury, blame, and. If we do the Deep Dive Coaching way and we, you know, go into the body and explore and just give it the space, what we will almost always find is underneath that there is sadness, hurt, pain, shame. And so what I was sharing in that video is this idea that all these emotions that are uncomfortable and that don't necessarily lead to us behaving, you know, in our best way. Some of them, many of them make us feel very kind of crumpled and weak. It's like we feel small. Then there's the ones that make us feel big, like anger, warrior, blame, self righteous. And so what I noticed in my clients was this progression from often the first response was hurt or sad or pain, but we don't like feeling weak or small or crumpled. So we turn it into blame and anger, and then we feel sort of strong and we can conquer the world. But of course, it's not real strength. It's sort of a brittle armored strength that has us often creating a lot of damage in our lives and our relationships, which You know, the sadness, it doesn't create so much damage because it's not the fighting.

  Priyanka Venugopal: What I think really struck me was, I've always thought of myself as, like I'm, you know, I feel like I'm a fairly practically, practical minded person. I'm very logical, as you know, I'm always like very logical. And I don't think I do this. But then as I was watching your video, I'm like, Oh, I really do. And it was again, one of those things where I didn't, I wasn't aware of this tendency. I wasn't aware of the pattern or this habit that I think must have subconsciously created. I think many women who are listening to this, if we're high achieving Warriors, right? And in the workplace and and of course as moms might also be subconsciously doing that where you feel some sadness or disappointment or regret or even guilt. I think it's a big one. Worry, uncertainty. I think there's so many of these emotions that we hold as as busy professional working moms that sometimes we are turning in because and because it feels. like we're crumpling or it feels weak, we turn it into righteousness. For me, judgy judgment, judginess, you know, the superiority, like I know better, you know, anger of course is a big one. And the way that you phrased it in this, in this video was we prefer to feel the second kind. We prefer to feel the second kind because it feels more powerful, but at the same time, this is important because that's the, that's the, the emotions creating destruction. So how, How is it actually creating destruction? Because I can imagine some people thinking like, well, if it's powerful, how can it possibly be a bad thing? I'm feeling powerful. So I can take more action. I'm coming from my warrior energy. I've needed that to get through the workplace and to show up as a woman in, you know, in a lot of these spaces and a lot of circles that I'm in. How is it actually creating destruction? 

   

  Bev Aron: Yes, okay, beautiful. So yes, sometimes in the workforce, we have to show up that way, right? If you're in a very antagonistic workplace or workplace where these, you know, very sort of masculine energy, you may think I have to show up this way, but if you just compare, maybe even if your listeners are listening, when we feel truly powerful, when we're in our strength, when we know that we are, you know, marching in our purpose, and that this is, In accordance with our values, our power. So that kind of power feels upright and strong, but flexible and sort of moving forward. Power that comes from, you know, superior, as you said, right? We all know it, and we sometimes have to come across that way in our work environment. It's very rigid, which means that we're going to be responding from just our habitual patterns. Which often have us not seeing the person in front of us, not even noticing what's right for us. And so we may come across very adversarial, very antagonistic. We may get what we wanted, in terms of the, the thing that we were negotiating for. But afterwards we might feel kind of a bit, sort of like, yucky is the word, or a bit like we just betrayed ourselves. And so a little bit embarrassed in front of the people that we're in, not, not so sure. Sometimes we say things, if it's more of a personal situation, sometimes if we put on that armor, we can say things that are really destructive to the relationship. And then we have to figure out how to uncover. So it's not like we don't want to feel powerful. We, we do, and we can, we want to distinguish between true power and this brittle armor. That we putting off with those, those feelings. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: What I just came to mind, there's this, this is such a small, tiny example. There's, I'm sure for anyone listening, we have such, we can have much bigger examples than the one I'm describing, but I remember there's a coffee shop next to where I live and they have this amazing new summer menu and they have the best, it's called the summer Faro salad. It is delicious. It has eggs. And I mean, just all kinds of delicious. That's so good. And I told my husband, you come visit me. I'm going to take you. It's so delicious. And I told my, I had a whole plan Monday. I was going to go to this coffee shop. I had a creative thinking day. I really want to just dream about just what I was envisioning for my next quarter about the kids, about just planning it out. I'm going to sit with my latte and the summer. I had a whole vision. I get to the coffee shop and very happily order my coffee. My summer Farrow salad and the woman behind the register was like, Oh, sorry, we just ran out. 

  Bev Aron: Yes. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: This sounds so ridiculously small, but the rage that I felt in that moment, I, I, and you know me, I'm not even, I'm not even a very angry person, but like, I felt my face get hot. I got snip, I'm like, I'm so sorry to say this woman. I'm so sorry. I got a little snippy with her. I was like. Yeah. What, how is that possible? Like, I, like, rhetorical questions, like, what do you, did you run out of, like, salt and pepper? What, how is it possible that you're out of this? It was anger, I was feeling righteous, I was feeling indignant, I was feeling All these feelings and it was destructive. Not only number one, it was like rude to this woman who's just trying to finally tell me like, hey, we're out. She doesn't control the kitchen. So it was destructive to her. I made myself look like a little bit of an asshole. Like I look a little bit like a jerk. And I felt terrible afterwards. I'm like, what did I just do? For what? For summer farrow salad? 

  Bev Aron: Yes. Yes. When you were just disappointed.

  Priyanka Venugopal: I was just disappointed, just disappointed. Oh, I know. I'm on the phone with my husband who was about to meet me. I'm like, don't even bother coming. Maybe I'm not even going to eat here. But in that moment, I just really wanted this experience. Yes. I wasn't having my way and I just felt disappointed. 

   

  Bev Aron: Yes. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Why do you think it is? Like, is it just that feeling disappointed feels worse than that feeling? Like, they just feel more uncomfortable than anger. 

  Bev Aron: I don't know that it feels more uncomfortable because anger feels terrible. It's just, it's more scary because disappointed is weak. We don't like to feel weak, right? We need to feel in control. So the disappointed is one of those sort of like crumply. And if we don't know how to just soothe ourselves or comfort ourselves when we feel disappointed, it's going to feel very scary to us. Yeah. Cause we can't crumple. We always have to be functional and, you know, out there. And so then we quickly turn it, but if we just imagine, right, if you were familiar with disappointment and you were able to just self talk yourself, Oh, I'm so sorry, we really wanted it. We'll come back next Monday. I promise. Right. Then that whole experience would have just like floated through. Right, so that's the reason that we want to distinguish it and actually as we're talking about this, I'm thinking I didn't know this a year ago, but I've been studying polyvagal theory. It's becoming very popular and I'm thinking the order they say of our nervous system activation is. First is dorsal, because that's embryologically the most, which would be those crumply, you know, shut down. I mean, the extreme is shut down, but the crumply, and then we go to fight or flight, which, so I guess the progression actually makes sense just in terms of our neurology and how we are made.

  Priyanka Venugopal: If we think about having a stress response, fight, flight, it's. Makes a lot of sense. This is why people logically, I'm like, I know that I'm being ridiculous right now. I know this is so inappropriate, but disappointment and regret and sadness, they feel scary because it's like our safety's on the line. 

  Bev Aron: Yes, exactly. Exactly. And we're weak. So we can't get it back. So part of coaching and deep dive coaching, as you know, is we learn how to talk to ourselves. During it. So we sort of shorten the event so that you, as you see yourself, you're like, I'm being totally inappropriate. You learn to kind of flip in the moment. Yeah. Hold on a second. I'm so sorry. It's totally fine. Cause in your brain, you've said we're going to be okay. This is fine. We're going to have a delicious, and, and then we're able to move through the world in a way that then we don't have to sort of feel embarrassed and go and, you know, apologize and talk ourselves down and sort of recover from it. You lessen the amount of times that happens both by catching it and talking yourself through, so you catch it earlier and earlier and by regularly doing the work that you releasing, and you don't know when it's going to be, but it'll be like a year, you'll think. I haven't felt that rage. And you'll never be able to pinpoint, Oh, it was that session, or it was that memory or that emotion. It's just the, the regular clearing out of all the stuck that's in your body. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: It may not just be this like one coaching call or one coaching experience. It's a layered approach, which is. You start to catch it in different scenarios. 

  Bev Aron: Yes. And for your listeners to know, making ourselves wrong increases the chances we'll do it again cause the more we think about it, the more we're imprinting it on our brain. So also learning how to talk to ourselves afterwards. Okay, yes, I was an asshole, it's not how I prefer to act, but this is how brains work. I just got caught up in that, you know, nervous system right now. Everything's going to be okay. This is not who I am. And the more we can talk to ourselves about that, the more our brain relaxes. And that sort of just passes through as a thing that happened, which lessens the chances. Of us doing it again, 

   

  Priyanka Venugopal: I think you're actually bringing up one of the hardest things that I have seen, at least with my clients who are high achieving, professional working moms. There's this tone, the tone and tenor of how I think a lot of women are talking to themselves. And I'm saying myself included, who has always been an optimistic half glass full type of person is actually fairly critical. 

  Bev Aron: Yes. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: And I, what you're talking about is like, if we just didn't do that piece, if we could look back with love and look back with some tenderness and compassion, then you're saying we would actually interrupt the cycles and be able to change some of these behaviors. But why is that so hard to do for so many, what are your thoughts on that? 

  Bev Aron: It's hard to do if you're in a voice. is critical because that's what you learn. Our inner voice, all of us brilliant adults, we really are operating on, you know, beliefs about ourselves and the world that we were given when we were very, very young. So if when I behave badly, when I was young, I was criticized, then that is how I will learn to talk to myself. Because we're, we're meant to be in relation, that's how we develop all our, all our ways of thinking. And so, you know, if we think of sort of typical kind of parenting and, and educating when all of us were young, you know, there was a lot of like disciplining and correcting and criticizing and punishing, so that's what we learned. And so that's the only reason that it is. And then in a simplistic kind of coaching, we can go with, just tell yourself, it's okay, just tell yourself you're amazing, but what we're learning is if you didn't hear that from somebody else. You can say the words, but they won't land. We need that experience. And that's why coaching is such a beautiful, beautiful offering for people who haven't had that experience. Cause the coach becomes the person offers that then, as you say, your coach starts to live in your head and you start changing your inner voice to being loving and soothing. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah, I think what you're saying is so it's like whenever somebody says, Oh, like, just be positive.

  Bev Aron: Yeah! 

  Priyanka Venugopal: It really feels number one like you're not actually being seen or heard in your experience that number. It's very manipulative to try to be like, let's just be positive because We, we have this whole idea about what positive thinking is and, and the value of positive thinking. But what you're talking about is that will not be able to land if you, if there's a, an armor of, of criticism and like a habitual way of talking to yourself, which is very critical.

  Bev Aron: Yes. This is what interpersonal neurobiology is teaching us that we need that experience of having it from another person. And have it land in an ongoing way until it lands. And that's how our brains change. I mean, ideally we got it as children. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: So like for any mom, cause I can hear some moms thinking like, Oh my gosh, I've messed up my children because I was so critical of them and not only critical, like I've been critical of myself. I've been critical of them. I'm they're catching it in this conversation. Like, Oh my gosh, have I messed up? Have I messed up my kids? What would you say to this conversation about that? Okay. 

   

  Bev Aron: Short answer is. We're always messing up our kids, right? We never know.

  Priyanka Venugopal: Let's just make it clear, we're always messing up our kids.

  Bev Aron: That's the answer we have. Whenever my kids would complain, I'd say, I'm thinking of something to talk about in therapy. Yeah. And also because our brains are so plastic, you could start to change that right now. Listen, we're going to mess them up in one way or another, but if you want to, now that you have this awareness of how much we impact their inner voice. We can start offering thoughts that will land. We don't know which one will land. But whatever they bring, I messed up or I did badly or whatever. And if we want to offer them, you know, that's okay. There's another time you're, you know, you're still amazing or, you know, your potential is much bigger than, you know, any thoughts we want that we think, oh, if those became their constant tape, well, it would be easy for them, for them to soothe themselves and comfort themselves. Just start offering them randomly, whenever you think about it, and then give up the attempt to control what's gonna land, what's gonna be their inner voice, we don't, we don't know. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: I thought you were gonna say, no, we're not, you're not, you can't mess up your kids. Like, no, we're messing them up literally all the time.

  Bev Aron: It's like 99 percent my mom, and then maybe 1 percent the other people. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: So even understanding this idea that we are messing up, like, this is just like, I don't Part of, part of, part of the journey, like we are messing up, we're messing them up. We sometimes mess up ourselves. Yeah. For me, what a lot of my work was, and this is like the low vibration versus high vibration work as a mom, was the worry and uncertainty and like, is he going to be okay? And like, let me not even try to put a bubble around him, but like, kind of let me see if I can exactly figure out this path that like, you know, my son is going to, you know, Thrive because I was seeing the areas that he wasn't thriving. I was worried about messing up so much that I was actually messing up. Yes, that was the part that I think it was like such a, you know, light bulb moment. I was so worried about messing up that I wasn't able to be present with who he is, how he actually is. I was like trying to change him, change the path. It feels somewhat adaptive, like, Oh, I'm worried about this thing for my kid. I'm worried about something and we want to prepare. So how can we start to tell the difference between. You know, this is me preparing. This is me, my most intelligent self to plan and prepare for the future versus trying to manipulate and control and like going into the land of worry and rumination. Like, how do we start to tell the difference? 

  Bev Aron: Yeah. So it's interesting as you're talking, I'm thinking based on, you know, that topic and that video, that that's what happens, right? We notice our child struggling a bit and then we get worried, which is like a crumply emotion. And then we're like, When I'm going to put on my armor as, you know, the mother and the, and the mother bear and I'm going to like march forward and control every single thing and demand every single thing. And then it just as it blocks us to what they really need and to being present. So what I think is, yes, we should 100%. Control as much as we can of the environment. In other words, I think, well, my personal belief, child's not thriving in school, find a school that was designed for your child. They need some professionals, make sure it's professionals who adore them and see. So we want to, for sure, to the best of our ability and the best of our knowledge, create an environment where they can thrive. And the way we do that is from, from worry, we will not make the right decisions because we're not even connected to our own intuition. So we want to do it from the understanding of. I don't know their path. I don't know their future. It's the one they're meant to have. If you believe in souls, which I do for their soul to have the life they're meant to live and the contribution they're meant to have and put ourselves in a space of love and adoration and appreciation and then go find what they need and then ask what I need. It's not easy when we're in worry. We could just have a deal with ourselves when I'm in worry, I'm probably not going to make the best decision. So I probably I'll try not to make a decision and I'll try not to interact with them too much because they'll get on worry, right? Or we'll start to get sort of very like very rigid with them. So, so just getting to know the feeling, that's. feeling, which I think all of us have probably had at some point in our life of that's the right decision, or that's the right place to, to be compared to got to find something, you know, that like fear of, I got to grab it. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: It's, it feels like the difference feels almost like. This graspiness and it's coming from scarcity, like, like fear, scared, like, is he going to be okay? Versus the feeling that I got when you were describing the alternative, it was resilience. So they both, I can imagine we're going to be taking action. Listen, when it comes to your kids, we're the moms, we're going to be mama bears. We're going to like take action, of course, for the betterment of our family, right? So the, the intention is not that we're going to just sit back and like love them. That's not, that's not what we're talking about. But what you're highlighting is when we are taking action from a place of worry and uncertainty and scarcity and fear, what's the quality of action that we're taking? Is it the highest quality decision? Is it the highest quality? We get to decide. We can probably look back at the last year and ask ourselves, I don't know, whether those were the best high quality decisions versus if we acknowledge the uncertainty, acknowledge like those low frequency emotions and come from a place of, I think, love and adoration. Maybe we can also give resilience. We get to actually pass on resilience to our kids. 

  Bev Aron: To honestly, it's true because those lower emotions that we talking about are more open, which makes it easier for us to access the love and the wonder of our child. At the same time, the uncertainty and the unknown. And we just, you know, again, our inner voice, we just say to ourselves, of course, you want certainty. You want to know he's going to be okay. You want to be able to control it. And We can't. I know. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: And that's the heart. That's the bitter, bitter pill, friends. It's like this bitter pill. And also, that doesn't mean you're powerless. I think that's so important. So it's true that we cannot exactly predict. the full path forward. I can't control the full path, but I can control my experience of the path that we are on. 

  Bev Aron: Correct. That's very powerful. Yes. It only makes us feel powerless if we think we should be able to control it. If we understand the nature of the world, not only parenting is, we, we can't, and we don't really know, then we can be, okay, so what can I do? I can be super connected. I can absolutely find what I think will make him thrive from a place of that connectedness and the acceptance which It's very hard, I think, and people really rail against is we're not supposed to be able to control it all or predict it all. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. And I think this is also the piece, and I feel like I've seen this with both my kids, but time will tell how kind of what they pick up, you know, are they picking up what I'm putting down? I don't know. Exactly. But I'm so curious because, you know, when we are coming from a place of that worry and fear, I, I, suspect that our kids start to think, Oh, me having this trouble is a problem. 

  Bev Aron: I agree with you. 

   

  Priyanka Venugopal: Having this challenge. Me, me being disappointed or upset about something is a problem for my mom, you know, for my family. And now they don't just have to navigate the problem. Now they have to navigate your, they try to navigate your family. 

  Bev Aron: Exactly. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: That's a lot to put on a child. It's a lot, right? You little kids have a lot to deal with. As they should have. And this is where we, I think this is where we kind of get to step into what would it be like if we didn't give them that burden, right? Like let them navigate their challenge. They're going to have the disappointment and they're going to get, you know, all of their challenges that they're going to have. What if we did our own work of not making that a problem? I think that's. 

  Bev Aron: It doesn't mean we don't go to the principal. If the child's been bullied, it doesn't mean we definitely not saying, you know, just like sit back and go, Oh, I love you child. But yeah, what if we navigated from that? Not a problem. I'm not supposed to be solving this. It's not going to ruin their life. This is what they're meant to be experiencing. Then know how will I support them in that? And then know that in my eyes, they are always perfect. That's right. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: I love that. And one of the things you shared at the end of your video, which is like how to use this kind of awareness now that there's these low frequency emotions, high frequency emotions, and we have a tendency of flipping into high frequency. You shared that a question that we can start to ask ourselves is where am I puffing myself up when what I really want to do is crumble? And that's where our truth is. That's where real is. How do you think someone can practically just start to put this into practice? Is that it? Just asking ourselves this question, or do you have any other thoughts strategically for how someone can start to apply this?

  Bev Aron: Yeah. So having a question like that, but front of mind. So we have it maybe on our computer screen as our reminder, maybe we have it as a, as an alarm that comes up every now and then. What it will do is, It will have it not obsessing sort of, but in our minds. So when we start to puff up, we'll notice it quicker. Go, this is the puffing up. And then depending on the situation, listen, if you're at home and it's happening, can I just do what I want to do, which is maybe go lie down and have a cry or have a bath or. Whatever, if I'm at work, could I just maybe excuse myself? I mean, go to the bathroom is the best way when you just need like a quick reset, or could I go and go and have a walk? So it's really having a question or a thought that helps us remember. So we catch it like you've said, when you were describing the restaurant experience, we catch it before, or at least in the middle. Of the interaction that we would prefer not to be having. Yeah. Then we talk ourselves down as we said, and even if we catch it at the end, we still talk ourselves down beautifully. And then we keep moving more and more towards the beginning of it. It's just awareness. There's no other way. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: To everyone listening, I think Bev, like what I'm hearing you say is that it's possible to acknowledge and recognize like, where is it that I want to crumple? And also I can go take action. 

  Bev Aron: You can in a meeting be very sad and no one can know. I remember once I used to work in a hospital and my director was leaving. And so we were having this meeting where she was, you know, dumping all her work on all of us. And it was a really terrible meeting, very tense. So we walked out, I said to my friend, Whoa, that was terrible. She's like, you looked so calm. I was like, Oh, I was just, just breathing. I don't even know what anyone said. No one could tell that inside I was really worried. So, you know, because your audience are working women, I can be sad. I can be hurt. I can feel shame. It doesn't mean I'm going to crumple. It will make me feel weaker, but I can talk myself through it. I'm feeling really ashamed right now. It's okay. I can still be at this meeting. I can have the shame because we're so brilliant. We, we have, we can have thoughts and feelings. They just come and go so I can have the shame and I can also be attentive and pay attention. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: What you're reminding us is that you can have an inner monologue happening on the inside where you truly are your most fiercest advocate on the inside. Like I can see this shame is here. I can see that I feel sad about this. I feel this guilt. I feel this regret. I feel this whatever it is. 

  Bev Aron: Yeah. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Hold that. And at the same time show up in our workplace or with our family or in front of our children from a place that really is the way that we want to be showing up.

  Bev Aron: Hundred percent and maybe later on we go figure out what was going on. Call our coach. We, you know, whatever we wanna do. But yes, a hundred percent. I love that. We're so smart. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Just to wrap up, I'm curious, do you feel like this is this kind of work that you can just do this on your own? So first of all, everyone, if you've, you've seen it and you can't unsee it, I really, it's love that philosophy. I think. I believe it so much. Yes. And at the same time, do you think this is the kind of work that someone should be doing with a coach? Hmm. Or is this just. Self work. What do you think in terms of the balance between the two? 

  Bev Aron: Yeah, I think it depends on where you're at with that inner voice in terms of how you're able to talk to yourself. I think the popular sort of personal growth literature is all about do it yourself, right? Because, you know, It makes it more accessible and I think it's worth a try for sure because of the so emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology, which tells us we learn in relationship if your habit is so strong and you've learned it and it's what you've done so strong to just, you know, become that warrior, go straight to rage, go straight to criticism. It's going to be challenging because you're going to need to have the experience of the comfort, of the soothing, of the acceptance in you in order to draw on. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Even, I'm thinking about so many times that we've coached together, I would be sharing with you what feels just like truth. I'm just sharing with you what feels like fact in my mind. And I think in every instance, and I'm like, I've got this like a logically, I, you know, I  can self coach on this. I know that my thoughts create my feelings and I can see that that's a lot of where my work was because. Yeah. What you would reflect back to me, I would really be stumped. You would show me blind spots that I did not realize were blind spots. You would show me perspectives that I just, I'm like, I didn't even think that I was thinking that way. 

  Bev Aron: Yes. So my theory on this is. Trying to find it ourselves. Our brain is this closed system and it created the problem. And now we're saying, diagnose the problem and treat it, brain that caused it. I think it's always worth a try. We do believe everyone in the world needs a life coach. And there's so many ways to access life coaching. And so why would we try to do it on our own? I've never tried. I just like to save it for a coach. And then, as you say, the coach, not because I'm anything special, but just because I'm not in your brain, having created the problem, coach can show it to you. And then we're off to the races. 

   

  Priyanka Venugopal: When your brain has created the problem, it's like this confirmation bias. We want ourselves to be right. Like Bev with me would say something. I'm like, what do you mean? Because I feel like you're trying to defend your truth. 

  Bev Aron: Yes. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: What I have also discovered is whenever I'm trying to defend, whenever I'm in defensive energy trying to defend something or convince myself, I'm just fighting for my status quo and I'm here in coaching because I want more than my status quo.

  Bev Aron: Yes. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: That has helped me totally be like, I can drop the facade of needing to know it all all the time. And this is a high achievers problem. Right. Yes. I have it together all the time. 

  Bev Aron: Yep. And if you're fighting for your status quo, you're doing well. Most people will fight for their limitations. Right. Because as you say, we want to be right. This is what I believe. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Do you want to be right? Or do you want to grow? And do you want to create more of this? And this is like, I think we can just keep on going on this topic. This is like just so much there. I love that. This was such a good conversation. Bev, thank you for coming on the podcast. I love it. This was such a good concept. I think everyone that is listening just start to catch where am I puffing myself up that maybe I have been wanting to crumble. This is such a nice, tender question. Know that it does not mean that you are weak, just acknowledging it and just allowing yourself the space to answer, answer the question. So Bev, how can everyone find you? Where can we get more of your wisdom? 

  Bev Aron: So good. Thank you for asking. So my website is bevaron.com and simplest way is sign up for my as Priyanka said, I send a monthly video of how to take your work deeper. I also send weekly insights called Friday Coach Insight. The videos are less than three minutes and the emails are like less than a 20 second read, designed for coaches, but really for anybody who is wanting to do the inner work, and then the second easiest way to access me is I have a monthly deep dive, uh, training. Monthly deep dives with Bev series, where we study a monthly topic. And I always give my perspective, which as you may have gathered from the podcast is always different to the norm. And then we do a lot of coaching. So it's a way to get coaching at a very, very reasonable cost. And we're going to be selling in August, like the year of it, the really good offer.

  Priyanka Venugopal: I love it. I'm so excited. And friends, get on her email list because these monthly videos, I mean, this, this video that you released around this low frequency, high frequency feeling was a year ago. And it still is something that I just noticed, right? So Bev has some wisdom. You need to be on her email list. It's amazing and just little insights. It's like little moments, little light bulbs that, that not only do we, I, I really believe in this. I feel like when we do the work ourself, it does go to the next generation and hundred percent gateways for our children. I have seen it with weight loss. I have seen it with how I talk about my body with my children and how I everything that's a gateway. So if you have these insights We get to pass it on. 

  Bev Aron: If I can just say, I just remembered something, all of my videos on YouTube. So go and watch this video that you're talking about right now. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Seriously? 

  Bev Aron: Yeah. I just remembered. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: I didn't know this. Okay. So friends in the show notes, I'm going to be putting all the links, including the actual video to the video that Bev shared from a year ago. It's a short video. Go watch it. Even though you listened to this episode, I think it's just lovely. You, I did not know you had a YouTube channel. What? 

  Bev Aron: I don't think I remembered either. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: I love it. Okay. We're going to throw that into the show notes for everyone. Bev, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. This is such a joy. And honestly, I'm so grateful that you exist, that our orbits collided at some point long ago. I'm just grateful to the universe that. It happened the way it did. 

  Bev Aron: Thank you so much to thank you so much for having me. So fun. 

  Priyanka Venugopal: Bye everyone see you next week. I hope you'll enjoy today's podcast conversation with Bev Aron and the concept that we talked about today, low frequency and high frequency emotions. I completely agree with Bev. I think that just being aware of this topic is going to create a shift for you. Just listening to this podcast episode is going to help you catch some of these experiences. And also we were highlighting is sometimes when your brain is the one that is creating the problem. Your brain is the one that has created a lot of these habits. It is sometimes hard to get out of that experience on your own. If you know that you want to have a coach in your corner to teach you these skills, to show you your blind spots, and you want to work with me, then I invite you to send me an email at [email protected], and we will talk about how we can work together in my intimate small group, the Unstoppable group. This is an experience for high achieving working moms who want to burn stress and lose fat in a way that truly feels sustainable for a lifetime. If that's something you want, I would love to see an email in my email inbox from you and I will see you all next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain. If you want more resources or information from the show, head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com.